The Kind of Change I Can Believe In

A few years back I purged my library and donated everything I saw no future use for to CHKD.  I am glad I did it, the wife is glad I did it, and the load-bearing members of my home positively rejoiced that they needn't be troubled anymore by a literal ton (jeez…) of literary garbage pressing down on them.

I am even happier, though, that I had the foresight to keep my Calvin and Hobbes collection.  Over the past couple of months our five-year-old has been going through them and really enjoys the cartoons (well, the ones he can puzzle out, anyway), and he is over the moon that he and Calvin are nearly the same age.  He reads the books in the truck on the way in to school and he is finishing up the fourth one in the series now, I think.

One thing he loves is the Transmogrifier (oh, go to hell, spell-check… it’s a word) whether it was the cardboard box version or the portable gun version.  It was only a matter of time before he made his own.  His is cat sized, of course.

 

If you are stumped about the tag on the middle left hand side of the box, don’t feel bad - I had to phone a friend for that one, too.  I’m like “Why would he want to turn the cat into a Led Zeppelin album or that one gibberish-y mid-80s Phil Collins song I now have stuck in my head”?  I really don’t care if that last sentence means absolutely nothing to you.  It’s not all about you, you know.  The sentence stays.

Some people…

In any case, it’s supposed to say “zombie”.  The huge black dot at the end is his way of covering up a mistake with a period.

Please. Allow me.

I was thinking the other day about a phrase my father used to use when I was a kid.  When he was about to attempt something he thought was particularly amazing, he would say “you will notice that at no time does my hand leave my wrist”.  Since he was not one for coining phrases, I was curious as to where he got it.  I asked Google, and Google told me that Yahoo Answers had this unrelated entry:

Yikes! How do you answer that one? I came up with these five things.  I am open to further suggestions.

1. Consider setting up an appointment with your doctor. He/she may be able to give you advice on convenient fracture points. While you are there, a simple blood test will be able to tell if you suffer from acute X-manism whose symptoms include above normal bone density or rapid bioregeneration. 
2. What are you hitting it with? If you are trying to punch it or karate chop it broken, you might be doing it wrong.  In the past I have had to have a friend or neighbor shatter my stubborn ulna using the blunt end of a standard garden maul. Hope this helps!
3. This is not a forum for med students to get people to do their homework for them. Study harder!  :(
4. Have you tried reckless horseplay with friends on a trampoline even though your mom told to to be careful, like, a million times? That usually does it, but you might run the risk of cracking your skull wide open or putting out an eye as well.  
5. Go full-on After School Special. Win yourself a football scholarship to Stately State then brag to all your friends about how awesome of a quarterback you are. Allow your personality to change for the worse and really alienate all of your former buddies. When they complain, tell them they are just jealous and let them know that, while they are spending the rest of their lives pouring pig iron in the old mill, your picture will be plastered all over Wheaties boxes. After the universe breaks your throwing arm as payment for your hubris (losing you your one chance to make it big) you can crawl back to your old acquaintances and beg them for forgiveness... And maybe, just maybe, you’ll learn a job at the mill isn't such a bad life after all as long as you have friends.

Anyway, after a little more searching I found out the real answer was most likely from the movie Cat’s Eye.  Since that Stephen King flick came out in 1984 I must be misremembering the timeframe by a good five years or so or I am missing an earlier reference.  Hmph.  So it goes.  

I wish the arm-breaking guy the best in his endeavors.  Also, nice job on the ad placement, whoever.  Well done.