Gabby Hayes: Court Stenographer

 

CCR's Down on the Corner came up recently in one of my playlists.  I've always had trouble with the lyrics so I thought it would be fun to have my 13-year-old son transcribe the song for me earlier today.

Rules: He could listen to pieces and parts all he wanted but he could not ask for help or look up the lyrics.

Enjoy!

Earlier in the evenin’ just about supper time

Over by the courthouse they’re fighting to a crime.

Four kids on the corner, trying to break it up.

Will he with a pizza tune out with and he throws it with a hump.

Chorus:

Down on the corner

Out here in the street

And he in popo and plant

Bring the make-up, happy feet.

Drista hits the wacko, beaver just got his mouth

Look, he forms guppy hands, solo for a while

Popo twang gorilla pow on his column, too

And when he goes in to dance, doubles on kazoo.

(Chorus) x 2

You don’t need a pinhead just to hang around

But if you’ve got a nickel won’t you neigh your money down?

Over on the corner, there’s a happy ghoul

People come from all around to watch the magic boar.

(Chorus) x 5

McIdiot...

Yes, of course I have heard the term "pay it forward".  I once pushed a lady's stalled car out of heavy traffic and into a safe parking lot - she tried to pay me. "Pfft, nah," I said, "just do a favor for someone else someday".  I have helped out strangers with flat tires more times than I have fingers to count them on.  It's just what you do.

Yes, of course I have heard that people will sometimes pay for the person in back of them in line at a drive-thru or at some other takeout place if they are feeling especially giving that day.  My awesome sister does it all the time. 

But no one has ever paid for my meal. Ever.  Until today.

I  handed the employee at the window of the drive thru my card and she waved me off, saying its already paid for.  "ERROR... ERROR..." whispered my helpless brain, unwilling to parse the words the woman uttered into something I could understand.  I smiled and nodded like the buffoon that I am and I thrust my card at her again as if she was some sort of vending machine that was being super fussy about trading a Snickers bar for my wrinkly and torn one-dollar bill.

She pointed to the receipt and repeated that it had already been paid for.  I looked at my son and we both shrugged and pulled up to the next window.  We got our food and drove off.

About eighteen to twenty feet down the highway my son pipes up and says "Should we have paid for the person behind us, too?"

Time turned into honey and my brain finally oozed into working order [insert stadium-level slow clapping here].

I said "Yep. Yep we sure should have.  We will definitely need to make it right next time."  I sighed.

Well done, Good Example Man!  Thank you, citizen!  Now onto my next adventure where I push down little kids at Wal-Mart for their Pokémon cards! Quick, to the Inconsidero-mobile!  Awwaaaaayyy!

Sooo... as I type this I realize that simply going back and paying for the person behind me the next time I am there is not going to square everything with the universe.  What if I broke some sort of epically long chain because I just couldn't grasp basic Earth hu-mon behavior like a normal person?

How do I make this right?  How many rosaries must I say?  The balance needs to be restored.  I feel terrible.

Please help!

Down with Saucialism

 

So what you are telling me, Your Majesty, is that the less sauce I need, the more sauce per nugget I actually get?

It's decisions like this that are ripping your kingdom to pieces, mark my words!

If this policy holds true, what is to become of us that just want fair ratios of chicken to sauce with our meals?  Do you guys even sell a 46-pack? Cuz that's what I'm going to have to buy in order to get that 4th tiny container of nugget moistener:

Oh, yes, Your Highness,  I certainly see that I would have to shell out "only" an extra twenty-five cents per packet... No big flipping deal for those of us that work hard to cheerfully subsidize the sauce-drenched Jacuzzi parties of the 4-nuggeters, eh? It is out of sheer principle that I opt out of that tax and order several pillowcases crammed with nearly 200lbs of chicken in order to obtain 10 measly containers of Sweet and Spicy:

I am quickly going broke trying to keep up the charade that I am a good provider to my family, sauce-wise, but someone must take a stand.  Do not consider my words rash or ill-thought-out. I have spent many, many hours stuck in your drive-throughs carefully considering these words while enduring the ever-present distraction of blaring car horns behind me.  

For God and Country, please change your policy.  Thank you. 

Quick! Gimme the Biggest Poke-Ball You Got!

 

My son and I were waiting in the warm sun yesterday for our take-out pizza order to be completed, just happily chatting the minutes away.  Suddenly, a buck-toothed Sevenelevenasaurus came crashing out of the forest across the street devouring everything in its path!  It was complete mayhem and near total carnage! 

I had warned the city earlier this month about overdevelopment in our area bringing terrible consequences and horrors beyond human comprehension, but did they listen?  No!  They shouted me down and had me dragged from the premises.  

Who's a time-wasting lunatic now, Councilman Ernie?!  Who's a time-wasting lunatic now?