Board Game Project

Sorry for not posting in a while.  The usual excuses apply - kid, work, projects, writing, working out, etc… Actually doing stuff is stopping me from documenting that stuff.   I would hire a minstrel to follow me around recording my adventures in song but that’s super expensive and, besides, the last guy killed himself out of boredom: 

“Oohhh, now harken to the tale of a man in a cube.  

He stared out the window for thirty minutes and two.  

Um… He heated up his lunch and then answered his mail… 

Then he filed some paperwork… Uh… Wassail! 

You get the idea.  I guess I could post a never-ending stream of pics of our cat - this is the Internet, after all.  Oh, yeah, we have a cat now.  His name is Rocket.  He is orange and white. He’s a rescue.  He’s the cutest widdle thing I ever did see!  Yesh, he is!  Yesh, he issss!  Who’s a cutey-patootie?  That’s right!   You are!  Whassa boody poody misser kitty cat?

Ahem… that is… Go Seahawks! [Whispers: More on the cat in another post.]

To the real point of this post, now. How do you tell your five-year-old that his idea for a board game, for lack of a better word, sucks?  There he is, breathlessly going over the paragraph-length rules of each and every one of the, like, twelve thousand thumbnail-sized spaces of his creation - four sheets of sloppily taped together printer paper with a huge meandering, incomprehensible loop on it - when I realize that all of a sudden the noise has stopped.

“Oh… What?”, I said, blinking my eyes back into focus.

“I said ‘Do you want to play my board game with me?’”, he said. “I think it’s pretty good.  Maybe we could sell it.”

So what do you say?  I am pretty sure the correct response is not “Pfft, no. You’re wrong, it’s terrible.  I mean, pretty much every other completely illegible square is either some kind of instant death or Go Back to Start.  Unless you are trying to market some artsy metaphor about the futility of existence or something you may want to reconsider the playability of this thing.  Also, who the hell taught you how to use Scotch tape? It looks like a stroke victim with ADD assembled this while in the middle of a seizure.  Now quit crying and get me another beer.”

I’m not sure what the correct response is.  If this was the first one he did, then "Sure, let's do it!" would be appropriate.  Maybe even for the second.  But this was about the fifth one.  He clearly wants to create something fun, he wants to share it with others, and he wants to make a little extra scratch on the side.  There is no part of that I disapprove of.  

The “storm” last week kept him out of school for three days we needed something constructive to do while warming up in between bouts of sledding, building a snow fort, collecting icicles, and doing other outdoorsy stuff like suffering from hypothermia and cursing under our breath.

Perfect excuse for a project.  Why not make a board game? It had to be simple, playable, and made from the stuff we had on hand.  Whether it was fun to play or not was fairly subjective and totally unimportant.  

I had a 16 x 16 inch piece of oak plyboard and forty poplar dowel disks in the garage leftover from an abandoned checkerboard project... stupid local hardware store didn't have red paint of any kind in quantities less than half a gallon.  I also had a set of gaming dice (shut up) that I figured would come in useful.  We grabbed the craft box, some construction paper, the BoogieBoard, and my sketchbook and the family got to work.

"Okay.  First thing's first.  What should we name our game?"

"Umm.. Zizzy!" he said.  

"Uh... Ok, 'Zizzy' it is.  What kind of game is Zizzy?  Should it be a..."

"Wait!  Let's call it 'Zombieland'.  You know, like Candyland but with zombies."

"Maaaannnn... This stupid decade," I thought to myself.  Out loud, I said "Ok, sure, 'Zombieland' it is.  Let's stick with that.  Choose some sheets of construction paper and cut out some shapes.  Make them kind of big because we are going to have to write on them."

As we cut out the shapes we hashed out what some of the spaces would say.  The wife was insistent that one of the shapes should be a heart.  That took a little thought but, in the end, think it turned out to be one of the more interesting spaces on the board.

Thirty-six of the poplar pieces became magical amulets that could repel zombies and the other four became tokens.  The gaming dice were replaced with standard red and white dies.  A crocodile-filled moat and island were created and two bridges and a leaky raft were thrown into the mix.  Some artwork was printed out and glued to the poplar pieces and voila - two two-hour days and it was time to play.

Each person starts out with four zombie-repelling amulets and the goal is to be the last to die.  Sort of like Monopoly.  I tried to make sure that the rules and spaces were set up so that, statistically, people would run out of amulets and the game would be over somewhat before the heat death of the universe.  This makes the game very much unlike Monopoly, hence its appeal.

The first two two-player games went as planned.  The boy won once and I won once.  The games were about 30 minutes long.  Sweet.  Great balance.  Let's get mommy and see what a game with three people is like.

Sigh.  About 90 minutes in, we discovered that with three (or more, probably) people that the game turned into a never ending merry-go-round of trading amulets back and forth.  It was time for several rule changes.  Not everyone agreed with some of the changes and good points were made on all sides like "That's stupid" and "Well, I think your idea is stupid" and in the end it was decided that a manual was needed to prevent future friction.

Two hours later a manual was created and a coat of sealant was added to the pieces and the board and now we have a shockingly playable game, albeit one with, like, the least-inspired-sounding name imaginable.  We are probably treading on any number of copyright laws even using it, but, hey, we're rebels like that.

I was going to post the text of the believe-it-or-not-four-page manual but this article is way too long as it is.  Tell you what...  I'll add it anyway.  You can check it out if you like after the alleged jump break below.  Enjoy!

How to Play Zombieland

Introduction: 

Welcome to Zombieland, perhaps the least originally-named board game ever invented!  This game was created by our family over the course of a few snowbound days in late January 2014.  For something that was knocked together in, like, six man-hours with stuff we had on hand, it’s remarkably playable!  Give it a try, and, remember: at least it’s not Monopoly!

Who can play:

Zombieland is a game for 2 to 4 players.  Ages 4 - 104.  It should take less than 30 minutes to play… unless it is only 4-year olds and 104-year-olds that are playing in which case everyone is probably in for the long haul.

Goal:

Be the last person alive.  Or un-undead.  Whatever…

Equipment:

1 Game Board

4 Player Tokens 

36 Amulets

1 Red Six-Sided Die

1 White Six-Sided Die

Game Play:

Each player gets 4 amulets, and the rest get placed on Amulet Island.  Youngest player goes first and play proceeds to that person’s left.  The player whose turn it is rolls the white die and moves his/her token that many spaces around the board clockwise, following the instructions on the spaces they land on.

Description of the Spaces:

START

Grab two amulets from Amulet Island as you pass or land on this space. If there is only one, then grab it. If there are none to grab, then you are out of luck. 

SNEAKY THIEF

Take one amulet from someone who has one to give and put it in your own pile.  If no one has any to give, no worries - you are probably close to winning anyway.

ZOMBIE ATTACK

Ahhhh!  You use one of your amulets to repel the attack.  Of course, this means the magic is used up and the amulet is taken out of play.  It does not go back onto Amulet Island.

LEAKY BOAT

This is one of two kinds of ways to get to Amulet Island, and this is by a wide margin the most complicated rule in the game.  Roll both dice.  The red die is the number of leaks you have in your boat.  The white die is the number of boat patches you have on hand.  If the number on the white die is equal to or greater than the number on the red die then, hey, you made it! If it is less, then you are forced to use your amulets to plug the leaks.  If you have enough to cover the difference then, again, you made it!  If not, then you and the boat return to shore. 

All amulets used to repair the boat (whether you make it to the island or not) are placed on Amulet Island.  I guess they float there or something.

If you do make it you the island, you immediately roll the white die and take that many amulets from the stash.  If there are not enough amulets then, tough… you only get what’s there.

SWAMP

You lose a turn.  To add insult to injury, roll the red die.  If it is less than 4 you accidentally drop two amulets into the swamp where they end up floating to Amulet Island.

LUCKY FIND

Take one amulet from the island.  If Amulet Island is empty, take one from another player - you just made your own luck.

RICKETY BRIDGE

If a player lands here he/she has a choice: do nothing, or cross the Rickety Bridge.  If the player chooses to cross, he/she rolls the white die.  If the roll is even, the player crosses safely onto the island.  If it is odd, the player crosses to the island, but clumsily drops two amulets into the water where they float to Amulet Island.

Even if the roll is a 1, move to the island.  The bridge does not count as a space when entering the island.

Once on the island, you immediately roll the white die and take that many amulets from the stash.  If there are not enough amulets then, tough… you only get what’s there.

On the player’s next turn they are forced to leave the island.  Once again, if the roll is even, the player crosses safely If it is odd, the player crosses, but clumsily drops two amulets into the water where they float to Amulet Island.  Note: When leaving the island, the player may choose whatever direction he/she pleases.  Also, when leaving, the bridge counts as a space.

KISS A ZOMBIE

Who can resist some good ol’ fashioned zombie lovin’?  Not you, apparently.  Roll both dice. If you roll less than a 5 on the red die, then you lose the number of amulets on the white die and you run away. If you do not have enough amulets to repel the zombie, give up all that you have.  If you have no amulets to give, then you are out of the game. All amulets used are taken out of play - do not return them to the island.

If you roll a 5 or a 6 on the red die then you run away scot-free, you lucky dog.

NICE GUY

Give a player of your choice one of your amulets.  If you have none to give, then give none.  

TAKE 1 AMULET FROM THE ISLAND OR PUT TWO OF SOMEONE ELSE’S THERE

If you take from the island, you put that amulet on your pile.  If Amulet Island is empty then you have to take from someone else.  Only take from someone who has at least two amulets.  If that is not possible, choose a player and take what they have.  It’s a hard, hard world.

SANCTUARY

You are safe here.  No one can take anything from you under any circumstances.  Isn’t that nice?

AMULET ISLAND

This is where you can go to try and get some more amulets.  The more amulets you have, the more zombie attacks you can repel.

ROLL WHITE DIE AND JUMP AHEAD THAT MANY SPACES

SKIP AHEAD TO START

ROLL WHITE DIE AND GO BACK THAT MANY SPACES

Seriously?  Why are you reading this?  Just do what these spaces say.

Dying:

A player dies only when a zombie attacks (or he/she foolishly tries to KISS A ZOMBIE) and he/she does not have any amulets to repel it.  A player cannot die through action of another player.  

Once a player is dead, he/she is out of the game.  Just like real life.

FAQs

Q: If I am coming off Amulet Island and I roll a 2, can I choose to go back onto Amulet Island that turn?

A: Yes you can, Mr. Greedy.

Q: If I am on Amulet Island and I roll a 6, why would I ever decide to take the bridge that would land me on NICE GUY (therefore losing one amulet) instead of the other way where I would pass START and land on SNEAKY THIEF (thereby gaining three amulets)?

A: Did I mention this game was knocked together in less than six hours?  Not a lot of beta testing or focus grouping was done, here.  You are playing a game called Zombieland for crying out loud.  Let it go.  You should just be happy there is a manual.

Q: Why is there a KISS A ZOMBIE space?

A: When the construction paper spaces were being cut out, the wife insisted that one of the spaces be shaped like a heart.  What would you do?

Q: You know, this would probably make for a good drinking game.

A: Most things make for good drinking games.

Q: I have a problem with one or more of the rules.  What should I do?

A: Change the rules to suit your needs.  Just like real life.