Daneson Toothpick Review

So it’s come to this…  I’m reviewing gourmet toothpicks.  But, hey, since writing this is several orders of magnitude more interesting than the stuff I should be doing right now, let’s stow the complaining and dive right in!

A buddy of mine rules at finding the coolest, most original Xmas gifts ever. Not only that, he garnishes the gifts with a heartfelt, extremely insulting letter I am instructed to read in front of the whole family each year.  I dutifully do this to the delight of all.  Often, the letters themselves are suitable for framing.

More often, though, I’d be embarrassed to stick them on the fridge next to my eight-year-old’s Social Studies quizzes, fearing that visiting neighbors would deduce that our son must have a half-brother (Sloth from the Goonies, say) caged in our attic somewhere.  So this year I won’t bore you with his poorly spelled, grammatically experimental missive that somehow manages to concretely weave drunken slurring into the paragraph structure.  Instead, I will get right to the point and review these toothpicks which I assume he afforded by (finally!) landing a day job through the tireless efforts of the Make-a-Wish Foundation.

Oh, don’t worry.  He won’t read this far…  His ADD caused him to wander off in the middle of the second paragraph to Google “garnishes” so he is now smudging up his monitor while futilely attempting to pick up an image of a mini crabcake.   It’s all good.

Anyhow, this year he got me a couple of phials of Daneson Toothpicks. That’s a pic of them there in the upper left.  Each gorgeous tinted glass container (types #16 and #22) contains 12 flavored wooden toothpicks.  The toothpicks are solid, uniform, functional, and are carefully charred on one end.  They are beautiful.

These are the very definition of artisanal toothpicks.

I visited the website a few minutes ago to get more information and I found out that they will plant one hundred trees in return for every tree they use!  That’s awesome!  Since one cord of wood can produce six to nine million toothpicks I reckon they would need to move 3.5 million dollars’ worth of these beauties before needing to pick up a shovel.

Also, they sell leather carrying cases for the phials.  One that holds six will run you $360.  Like the bottles and the toothpicks, the cases are undeniably elegant.  Please visit their site and read the description, because I have no words.

I think I will end this post by nodding approvingly and slow-clapping for about five solid minutes.

Nicely done, Daneson.  Nicely done.