More Geocache Swag

I gave away the last of the little cars my boy and I made a while back (see sidebar) so I was scrambling for stuff to trade for last weekend's Geocache outing.  I had some leftover glow-sticks from Halloween so I shoved those into my daypack and off I went.

I really didn't have a destination in mind but I figured I would start with some city caches in Newport News and see where I ended up.

Well, let's say I ended up learning the lesson that certain city caches that have an advertised difficulty rating of two stars (Careful! There might be some Muggles!) should have a difficulty level closer to five stars (Careful!  You are most likely going to be mugged, so bring a gun.  Parking is available on the North side of the hobo encampment, but expect your vehicle to suffer multiple break-ins and possibly be aflame once you finish pawing through litter-strewn shrubbery for a tupperware dish that may or may not have been used for a potty).

After a couple of those I headed to a safer part of town and looked for a few caches there but I really wasn't feeling it. 

So it goes.

As a side-effect to all this, though, I ended up being in an area where I managed to knock out 95% of my Christmas shopping so that's cool.  I even found what you see in the picture on the left in an import store in the area.  I haven't seen a bottle of Pop Shoppe soda in about 30 years so, even though root beer isn't my favorite thing in the world, I snapped it up.  Definitely a win, there.

This week I had a little time to build a new set of tradable items but I really didn't want to make anything with moving parts - the last couple I did like that took too long.  I cut the cubes you see in the upper left of this post out of a leftover piece of furring strip with the intention of just making some big ol' dice but that seemed weak.  What to do...

While we were decorating the tree, it occurred to me to turn them into little Christmas ornaments.  The process is below - as with the little cars, the four-year-old helped out a lot.

After painting:

After adding ribbons:

All done:

Start to finish I would say this took about three hours which is more along the lines of what I am willing to spend doing stuff like this - much longer than that and I start to get bored.  I hope to start Johnny Appleseeding these things around the area tomorrow.

Oh, in case you are interested, the next set of trinkets will be puzzle-based... sort of like the Jefferson Cipher Disks but a lot more awesome (copper, basswood, and oak instead of poplar, pine, and steel) if they come out like I hope they will.  

  

Oh, "Easy to Buy For", Am I?

Look, just because I let my myriad, near-random wants and desires be known at a volume and frequency that makes my four-year-old roll his eyes in embarrassed disgust doesn't mean you can just get me anything for Christmas and call it good.  After all, my attention span is little better than that of a six-week old kitten so what brings me to tears and doubles me over with paroxysms of joy right now is most likely going to bore me to death ten minutes from now, so good luck hitting that moving target.

For example, at the top of my list is now a high quality t-shirt that has this name compilation on the front:

And this one on the back:

As far as I know, this product doesn't exist, but with a little effort you can change all that.  Make it tasteful, and make it so.  Go!

Or... like me writing this post, you can just phone it in and get me a new Mouse sander and hope for the best. A card would be nice, too.  Or a text.  You know... Whatever.

P.S. I'm sort of in the middle of a project so not much time to write, but wanted to throw something out there anyway.  Waiting for paint to dry as we speak.  More later.

By Jove, I Think He's 35% Got It!

More stuff to throw up on The Fridge!  

This time, he actually wrote something instead of just drawing something and explaining it after the fact. This was done last night.  It’s a story about him riding around the circle on his bike.

For those of you who are not well versed in kid-speak, here is a guide to let you translate from his four-year-old mind to yours.  It’s up to you, though, to do the heavy lifting and figure out what sentences below go with what parts of the drawing.  

1. “Please let me ride my bike!”
2. “Ethan, watch out for cracks!”
3. “Ethan, be careful on your bike!”
4. “Ethan, don’t forget your magazine!”

Enjoy!

Well, The Cake Might Be a Lie, But The Pie Sure Isn’t...

Dude, seriously... You need to try this pie.  My wife made it.  It’s apple.  Go ‘head.  Take a bite.  It’s her first go at making one...

Is it like my mom’s?  Um.  No.

See, I used to think that the taste of mom’s apple pie was something special, something sacrosanct, something beyond judgement. Now I realize that memory is horribly, horribly flawed.  Like, flawed to the point where, if I were to simply refer to my wife’s apple pie as “delicious”, then, by relative measure, I would have to refer to my mother’s as “holy God what is this a dead animal wrapped in a turd or something quick get me something, ANYTHING, to drink oh God I’m gonna be sick”.

When I was first watching my wife construct this amazing confection I immediately rejected what I was seeing.  “This can’t possibly be right,” I thought (and muttered). As it baked in the oven, though, it smelled right but I was still very, very suspicious.

I took the first bite and I knew it was all wrong.  The texture was weird and certain parts of my tongue were dormant or non-plussed... Yet others were going “Saayyyy...  Let’s try a little more...” I took the second bite and the sourness of the fresh green apples and the complex sweetness of the caramelized sugar and the saltiness and flakiness of the hand-made crust hit me all at once and I thought I was going to pass out.

I eventually heard her trying to communicate with me.  Her voice was only coming through in waves... Her lips moved, but I couldn’t hear what she say... Uh, I mean, said.  

“Do you wan’t whipped cream?” she asked me.  

I looked at her, horrified and defensive, as though she just asked me if I would rather be eating a raw infant. “N...N... Noooo. No, of course not! What the hell is the matter with you?!”, I said.  I scooted the plate a little closer to me in case she tried to pull something funny.

She let me finish.  I was even allowed to have another piece because I think that she thought I was just trying to spare her feelings.  After she saw I finished the second portion and she noticed my pupils were reduced to pinpoints and I was sweating endorphins I think she started to really believe that I wasn’t fooling around here.

I wasn’t allowed a third. 

I briefly considered taking a hostage to turn the tables in my favor, but my options on that front were limited so I just thanked her and sobbed a little instead.

I’m sorry, but I have to go now.  I fear I am seriously risking violating the warranty of this laptop by drooling into it so much.  I hope everyone out there has had as wonderful a Thanksgiving as I have had. 

Now to set my alarm for three A.M... For an early “breakfast”, you understand...

Hey, Pal, Don’t You Tell ME to “Enjoy!”

I really don’t eat very much in the morning - maybe a breakfast bar or a handful of animal crackers.  Lunch during the work week is pretty much the same way.  For that meal, I try to pick stuff that meets these requirements: 

1. 350 calories or less 
2. 1/3 or less of the calories from fat
3. Must take 4 minutes or less in the microwave
4. Must take as few steps as possible to put together

The first two are important for health reasons.  I mean, I pretty much sit at a desk all day - it’s not like I’m out lumberjacking up the forest or free-running at first light or whatever.  Sometimes I press CTRL-ALT-DELETE but that’s about all of the exercise I get during the workday.  I just don’t need the calories.  

The third is important because I don’t want to sit in the break-room making apologetic smalltalk with the folks in line for the microwave while I wait for my Lean Cuisine Sweet Potatoes au Potato avec Potatoes meal to make the sudden switch from “starch-cicle” to “fusion ignition temperature” somewhere between eight minutes and eight minutes and three seconds after I press COOK.  You have four minutes to “wow” me, heavily processed food items.

And the fourth requirement is inspired by a few pantry meals I have tried recently that advertise “Ready in 3 Minutes!” but actually contain more subcomponents than, say, a car.  Unless I am missing the part in the instructions where it tells you to “slip into Bullet Time” before opening and mixing packets 1 through 137 then adding 2 teaspoons of water I am pretty sure you will have burned through the allotted 180 seconds well before chucking one of these Rube Goldberg-y science experiments into the oven.  

And that’s it.  Please note that “Must be delicious. Nay, it must be a veritable ambrosia for all the senses.  In fact, if it is not easily the best meal I have ever had I will consider my lunch, and, by extension, my life up until that point, to be a colossal failure” is not on the list.  

Lunch is fuel.  It doesn’t need to be tasty.  It just needs to be digestible over a reasonable period of time.  I make up for “tasty” at dinner.  Most of the time I sleepily grab something out of the pantry or the freezer and throw it into my lunchbag in the semi-dark of morning without fully realizing what it is I grabbed.  Since my wife usually does the grocery shopping I am often surprised.  I am never disappointed.

Now that I have explained to you exactly how low the bar is for my lunchtime repast, here are the items in this box you see up above listed in the order I would eat them if I found myself starting at this container at 11:30 AM some future workday from now: 

1. The fruit - dried pineapple and cranberries, lightly sugared - Pretty good!
2. The crackers - Meh, they’re crackers.  Hey, whaddaya want?
3. The toffee thing - Ok, I guess, but has a worryingly greasy aftertaste for some reason
4. The “turkey” “pepperoni” “slices” - These taste like they were constructed with an industrial 3-D printer loaded with food coloring, sawdust, and the leftover contents of recycled Denny’s margarin packets.  Not a flavor or texture I could readily identify, even after my eyes repeatedly assured me of what my mouth refused to believe.
5. The little wooden stick they give you for spreading the “cheese” - Pine, I believe.
6. The cardboard box itself - You know, I really think I could keep this down.
7. The Asiago Cheese Spread - Dude, “Cheddar cheese” is NOT an ingredient in “Asiago Cheese” (see pic on left)!   And don’t insult me by trying to educate me about the differences between “cheese spread” and “cheese”.  The only thing this opaque, antique-white gelatin has in common with Asiago cheese is that it is approximately the same color.  In fact, I think a semi-liquified black-and-white photograph of a piece of Asiago cheese would taste more like Asiago cheese than this “gourmet”... stuff.  You know, that would be a much more honest and accurate name: Stuff.  Just relabel the box and the little container “STUFF” or, better yet “CAUTION: STUFF” and I think you would be on track to setting things right, here.
8. The plastic everything came wrapped in - I admit, it would probably be better for me to eat the cheese spread.

All in all, I would rate this about a D-minus.  I have had worse and, honestly, I did feel full even after dumping the spread into the trashcan. If these things were on sale for, like twenty-five cents each or something I would buy them out and pretend I was eating 1980’s MREs until I suffered from organ failure (pick one). 

Little Cars and Lionel Richie

I gave away the last of my Jefferson Cipher Wheels (see sidebar) a little quicker than I expected to so I didn’t have any stuff to trade when I found swag-containing geocaches on Monday.  With the help of my son together we painted and put together fourteen (very simple) wooden cars for that purpose.  

There is really nothing to them - just a cut and drilled pine body, poplar axles, and oak plyboard wheels.  When I originally thought about creating little cars I was going to use different shades of wood stain to make the different parts stand out, not paint them.  Also, I thought I might use the wood burning kit and maybe tack on some brass or bronze pieces to fancy-up the units.  

Nope.  Wasn’t to be.  But, hey, doing it the way you see in the pics not only shortened the length of the project significantly (allowing me to use the cars for trade this past weekend) it allowed me and the boy to work together on a project, which is always awesome.   Here's a few pics showing some of the process.

One side...

Then the other...

All Done:

Oh, yeah... the label:

Most of the time that I find caches - whether they are deep within with woods of a park and thirty feet up in a tree or whether they are in the city and are like what you see in the pic on the left (that whole thing is held there by magnets) - the items inside (if any) are usually nothing to jump up and down about.  Sometimes, though, you find cool or interesting stuff like working mini-flashlights or carabiners or Dollar Store toys still in the package.

But whoever left this in one of the caches I found this weekend wins the prize for “Most Awesome Geocache Swag Item of All Time”.  It was so awesome, in fact, I found myself unworthy to do anything other than take the pic you see here.

It wasn't just the tape, it's how it was left behind.  It wasn't merely tossed into the camouflaged ammo box unceremoniously and without thought.  Oh, no.  It was carefully wrapped in a baggie as to protect it from dirt and moisture and to keep it as "mint" as possible for those who found it later.

Well done, Lionel Richie cassette tape leaver. I tip my cap to you, sir or ma'am.

Hey! That's Kind of What I Said!!!

This is a test the dictation feature on my Apple so permanent have to say it’s pretty much flawless.

So this’ll be my first blog post done entirely in dictation mode. By the way I have a cold so should be pretty challenging for the voice recognition software to do it’s job.

Apparently it isn’t.

Only a few problems are there with work permit the first paragraph... And obviously the last sentence is pretty hosed to.  I will leave all the misspellings and misinterpreted words but I will go back and punctuate or necessary.

How about if we sing a little song: “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious...” Oh, you got to be kidding me and knows the word “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” but it couldn’t you couldn’t get the other stuff right?!

How about a little something for our 16th president:

“From whence shall we expect the approach of danger? Shall some transatlantic giant step the earth and process in a blow? Never! All the armies of Europe and Asia could not find norms take a drink from the hell River land track on the Blue Ridge in a trial of 1000 years.  The distraction Gareloch we must ourselves Buttes author and finisher as a nation of freemen we will live forever or die by suicide.”

I met a lot of those errors her mind and my imperfect memory I don’t think I ever said the word Gerlach imputes... Buttes! Buttes!

Overall, not bad. I read resume cover letters that were much worse than this.  

Hey, leave me alone it’s my writer’s block and I’ll do with it what I want...

Green Eggs and Booze

Short space-filler post since I have nothing to say.  Well... What I mean is that I don’t have a dozen or more paragraphs of nothing to say prepared for editing this evening.  

I quit smoking two years ago this week, so that’s something.  Thanks, I feel great.

Hmmm...  Oh, yeah.  A friend of mine gave me the bottle of TyKu sake you see there in the pic.  The triangular bottle has an LED in the bottom that lights when you pick it up.  It is delicious and the coolness of the bottle is undeniable, but I can’t imagine the kind of food this citrus liqueur would pair with (outside of a Dr. Seuss book, that is)...

Nah, I’m just joshin’.  Like St. Germaine’s, Sweet Mountain Laurel, or any ice wine you care to name, it’s best enjoyed cold and with something sweet like strawberries or cheesecake.

Of course, slugging it back all by itself works, too.

Happy Birthday, dude.  Now get to posting something yourself, wouldja?

I Have Run Out of Yo-Yos

That’s right... I have run out of yo-yos.  Perhaps an explanation is in order...

I found my 30th Geocache today [Editor’s Note: I intended on posting this last night, but never did.  I am actually up to 39 now].  I was pretty beat from all the hiking this morning - getting to number 29 was a much longer walk than I expected but well worth it (pic is there in the upper left).  I wanted to end the day on a nice round number and give away the last of my yo-yos so I revisited an area I had failed to find one in before to give it another go.

I am glad I did.  I was harassed by swarms of mosquitos and ran face-first into more spiderwebs than I care to recall last time. Since it was in the low 50s today, though, the bog-like conditions in the forest created by Hurricane Sandy were the only thing I had to contend with.  After a five minute hunt I stumbled upon something suspicious near the base of a tree and was rewarded with an extremely satisfying “ah-HA moment” for my curiosity.  I left the last of the yo-yos I made and went home.  

I’m not surprised that the last time the thing had been found was August 28th.  I got really lucky.  By all rights, number thirty should have been a micro-cache near the same park as number 29, but it was not to be. A modern-day Sisyphus was cleaning up pine straw out of a parking lot surrounded by pine trees (by hand!) right next to the cache so I figured I’d come back after he (or the trees, I guess) quit in disgust.  

I’m guessing tomorrow... [Editor’s Note: Yep. Knocked this one out today.]

So, since I like (well, for now... my attention span isn’t all that great) to create hand-made stuff to drop off in these caches I decided to build some simple Jefferson Wheel Cyphers.   They are primarily poplar, pine, and steel.                       

Since a picture is worth a thousand words, here’s three grand worth:

Prototype Phase:

Assembled and Drying:

Done:

        

Each one encodes a simple saying burned into the discs - lines of poetry, lines from books, movies, TV shows, songs... You know, as much of a pain as it was to make these things (project took about six hours start to finish - way too long), the hardest part was to find 10 different quotes that fit on a 40-character encoding machine without being overly short, sounding overly pretentious, seeming overly hipster, needing a huge number of nulls, etc.  

In fact, I ended up having to write a small piece of software to help optimize the distribution of nulls so the difficulty level for these things wasn’t so high.  To further make things a little more straightforward, I made it fairly obvious how the discs align once the discoverer figures out what they are holding. 

I had fun making these but since the project took entirely too much time I doubt I will make any more like this without having access to a lathe.

                                           

BTW, in case the coastalgypsies are reading this, thanks for the nice compliment regarding one of the little wooden GPS’s I left behind a while back.  Happy caching!