Noah's Sportscar

Ethan's awesome aunt came by this weekend to babysit. She bought him the Little People's Noah's Ark set (plus the extra animals), and he loves it.

However, the flood story would have to be brutally edited if my son's interactions with the set in any way reflect the recorded events. Here are a few example observations that may or may not conform to biblical canon:

1. Noah drives a little yellow convertible that he rarely leaves or even sits in correctly. The bible is silent on whether or not he actually owned a car, but it takes up a lot of space so that may explain what happened to the unicorns and velociraptors - no room.
2. When Noah is not tooling around in his sportscar, he spends a lot of that time face down at the bottom of an elevator shaft in a Little People's parking structure (perhaps in meditation). At that time many of the animals take turns being unceremoniously crammed into the driver's seat of his car. They don't fit, of course, which pleases or displeases God who giggles and exclaims "Noooo!" after trying each animal and tossing them aside. This may be the origin of the Cinderella glass slipper story.
3. The ark consists of one enormous interior cabin into which the animals are loaded without concern for species or orientation (upside-down zebras stacked on top of the lions is fine, for instance). They often board the vessel with some degree of violence and impatience through the main gangway, although it is not unheard of for them to be forced through the windows. If the roof is open then God may help the animals embark by slam-dunking them from a height of about 150 feet into the ship, or at least near it (God is a busy guy, and is not interested in micromanaging the situation if they don't make it).
4. There are "two" of "every" "animal" on the ark. Also on board are a firefighter, a farmer, a garbage truck, a giant tomato, and some moist Cheese Doodles. Often Noah is nowhere to be found. It's cool, though, because God has decided to rename all His creatures "moo" anyway so it doesn't really matter who makes it or not.
5. It pleases God to test the structural integrity of the ark by lifting it and shaking it until it is completely empty. It takes about two minutes to do this and the animals (and garbage trucks, etc.) are scattered for miles around. The complicated "gathering of the animals" and boarding process starts all over. Or sometimes it doesn't. God is easily distracted, you see.
6. It seriously displeases God if anyone helps Him in the "gathering the animals" for some reason. Nicely lined-up creatures are forcefully ejected from the queue in front of the ark and scattered across the landscape. Ironically, the same fate awaits those animals that do happen to make it on board before the rains hit (see 5 above).
7. Once the skies open and the floodwaters begins to rise, it becomes instantly obvious that Noah had no idea what he was doing (or failed to follow instructions) because the ark does not float. Perhaps this is the reason gopher wood was specified for its construction instead of 8th-inch-thick injection-molded plastic. Well, to say it doesn't float is not really true. If it is packed to the rafters with animals and the lid is jammed on then it sinks until the upward buoyant force of the unfortunate creatures below the waterline matches the weight of those above. This also might explain what happened to the unicorns and velociraptors (and Noah's sweet ride).