Make TV Better

I don't watch reality shows. I don't have time for much in the way of sports. I don't "stay tuned" if the news tells me that an interesting piece of information may or may not be coming my way right after the break. Come to think of it, that's pretty much the best way to get me to turn the channel of turn off the TV entirely.

Most of the stuff out there really bores me. You want to get my attention? You want my eyeballs on your ads? Here's some ideas to win me back.

1) Put a caption at the bottom of the screen that lets the viewers of Animal Planet and similar shows know if the creature being filmed is "delicious" or "not delicious". Also, provide recipes and serving suggestions. What wine goes best with red panda, for instance? Viewers might want to know.

2) On the cooking-based reality shows don't give the contestants their own kitchens. Make them share. In addition, force contestants to use ingredients you might find in an everyday kitchen. No fugu. No blood oranges. No fancy-pants spices like saffron or butterfly extract. I would be very interested to see the judges sample a main course consisting Slim Jims and Fruity Pebbles.

3) Figure skating judges, golf announcers, and football commentators should be forced to back up every negative remark they have. Make them get out there and show us all how they can stick the triple lutz or evade the sack.

4) Neither NASCAR nor spelling bees are sports, so stop putting them on ESPN. Unless of course they swap the participants and make the rich homeschooled kids drive the cars and force the professional drivers to line up to spell xenophage... In that case sign me up for tickets for either event.

NASCAR is not a sport. Thought it was worth mentioning again.

Got any other ideas to make TV better? Leave a comment.