Too Busy To Write

I am currently living in interesting times.

I hope to be able to post tomorrow.

Wish me luck.

The Most Transparent Blog Post Ever

Comedian Patton Oswalt has a great routine (if you are at work, wear headphones, just in case) about not celebrating birthdays unless it marks a big change, like entering a new decade or something.

His argument is well thought out, especially the part about the ravioli, but I disagree. I mean, how else do you “keep score”? Here is a list of a bunch of nerdy, meaningless, or simply depressing milestones you can celebrate between the time you turn 21 until you reach 40.

Feel free to celebrate, but don't expect presents on a lot of these days. In fact, when you tell someone when you turn 36 years, 8 months, and 16 days old that light leaving the Earth on the day you were born is just now reaching the star Arcturus, don't expect anything more positive than "Huh. No kidding." In addition, you may also expect to suddenly and violently have less lunch money than you did before you mentioned that fact.

Alternatively, you can use the list as a convenient excuse for when you forget someone else's birthday. For example, you are sitting there and you suddenly realize that your buddy's 31st b-day was two days ago. Do you send a lame apology text to soothe your nagging conscience? Hell, no! You nerd-up, make him a collage out of elbow macaroni and Dungeons and Dragons dice and wish him a "Happy Pi Cubed Day"... Totally on purpose, you BFF, you!

For a quick translations from the numbers below to real dates just go to WolframAlpha, type in mm/dd/yy + xx.xx years (a date, a plus sign, the number, then the word 'years')

I had a huge spiel to go with many of the items below, but this post is already too darn long. Without further ado, here is the list of nearly-useless milestones for you... say... did I mention that this was my 200th post as SnowUrchin?

Well, it is. Enjoy.

Year    Event
21.10  1,100 Weeks Old
21.28  News of your birth reaches HR8832
21.85  News of your birth reaches Xi Boötis
21.92  8,000 Days Old
22.20  700 Million Seconds Old
22.46  300 Lunar Orbits
22.83  200,000 Hours
22.83  12 million Minutes Old
23.01  1,200 Weeks Old
23.51  News of your birth reaches HR753
23.60  News of your birth reaches HR6426
23.80  You have blinked 100 million times
23.97  210,000 Hours Old
24.00  1*2*3*4
24.08  You are 100 Years Old (on Mercury)
24.33  News of your birth reaches HR222
24.36  News of your birth reaches 107 Piscium
24.38  News of your birth reaches Beta Hydri
24.63  News of your birth reaches Mu Cassiopeiae
24.66  9,000 Days Old
24.73  13 million Minutes Old
24.91  News of your birth reaches HR8721
24.93  1,300 Weeks Old
25.00  300 Months Old
25.07  News of your birth reaches Fomalhaut
25.11  220,000 Hours Old
25.27  800 Million Seconds Old
25.30  News of your birth reaches Vega
25.57  1 billion heartbeats
25.83  310 Months Old
26.18  News of your birth reaches Tabit
26.25  230,000 Hours Old
26.28  News of your birth reaches Chi Draconis
26.57  News of your birth reaches p Eridani
26.64  14 million Minutes Old
26.67  320 Months Old
26.85  1,400 Weeks Old
26.90  10,000 work hours
27.00  3 * 3 * 3
27.20  News of your birth reaches Alula Australis
27.30  News of your birth reaches Chara
27.39  240,000 Hours Old
27.40  10,000 days
27.40  News of your birth reaches Mu Herculis
27.50  330 Months Old
27.70  Older than over 50% of humans, now.
27.81  News of your birth reaches 61 Virginis
28.03  News of your birth reaches Zeta Tucanae
28.26  News of your birth reaches Chi¹ Orionis
28.33  340 Months Old
28.53  250,000 Hours Old
28.54  900 Million Seconds Old
28.54  15 million Minutes Old
28.66  News of your birth reaches HR6416
28.75  News of your birth reaches HR1614
28.77  1,500 Weeks Old
28.78  News of your birth reaches HR7722
29.17  350 Months Old
29.25  News of your birth reaches Gamma Leporis
29.47  One Year Old on Saturn
29.50  News of your birth reaches Rana
29.67  260,000 Hours Old
29.86  News of your birth reaches Beta Comae Berenices
29.87  News of your birth reaches HR4550
29.87  News of your birth reaches Kappa¹ Ceti
29.94  400 Lunar Orbits
30.00  360 Months Old
30.06  News of your birth reaches Gamma Pavonis
30.14  11,000 Days Old
30.14  News of your birth reaches HR4523
30.44  16 million Minutes Old
30.68  1,600 Weeks Old
30.76  You are 50 Years Old (On Venus)
30.81  270,000 Hours Old
30.83  370 Months Old
31.00  11111 in binary
31.01  Pi cubed
31.11  News of your birth reaches HR4458
31.12  News of your birth reaches 61 Ursae Majoris
31.67  380 Months Old
31.71  1 billion seconds
31.89  News of your birth reaches 12 Ophiuchi
31.95  280,000 Hours Old
32.00  2 * 2 * 2 * 2 * 2
32.00  100000 (in binary)
32.34  17 million Minutes Old
32.50  390 Months Old
32.54  News of your birth reaches HR511
32.60  1,700 Weeks Old
32.88  12,000 Days Old
32.96  News of your birth reaches HR5256
33.09  290,000 Hours Old
33.10  News of your birth reaches Alpha Mensae
33.33  400 Months Old
33.72  News of your birth reaches Pollux
33.82  12,345 days
33.86  News of your birth reaches HR857
34.17  410 Months Old
34.23  300,000 Hours Old
34.25  18 million Minutes Old
34.36  News of your birth reaches Iota Persei
34.52  1,800 Weeks Old
34.88  1.1 Billion Seconds Old
35.00  420 Months Old
35.19  News of your birth reaches HR9038
35.21  News of your birth reaches Rutilicus
35.37  310,000 Hours Old
35.38  News of your birth reaches Delta Trianguli
35.55  News of your birth reaches Zavijava
35.59  Three Years Old (on Jupiter)
35.60  News of your birth reaches HR637
35.62  13,000 Days Old
35.83  430 Months Old
36.15  19 million Minutes Old
36.18  News of your birth reaches Denebola
36.20  News of your birth reaches HR6806
36.23  News of your birth reaches 54 Piscium
36.27  News of your birth reaches Gamma Serpentis
36.44  1,900 Weeks Old
36.46  pi raised to pi
36.46  News of your birth reaches 11 Leonis Minoris
36.51  320,000 Hours Old
36.63  News of your birth reaches Theta Persei
36.67  440 Months Old
36.70  Older than over 50% of Americans, now.
36.71  News of your birth reaches Arcturus
36.99  News of your birth reaches Murphid
37.43  500 lunar orbits
37.50  450 Months Old
37.62  You are 20 Years Old (on Mars)
37.62  News of your birth reaches HR5553
37.65  330,000 Hours Old
38.00  News of your birth reaches Zeta Doradus
38.05  1.2 Billion Seconds Old
38.05  20 million Minutes Old
38.33  460 Months Old
38.34  News of your birth reaches Lambda Serpentis
38.34  News of your birth reaches Iota Pegasi
38.36  14,000 Days Old
38.36  2,000 Weeks Old
38.56  News of your birth reaches Deneb Alegedi
38.59  News of your birth reaches Porrima
38.79  340,000 Hours Old
39.12  Halfway through Amercian life expectancy
39.15  1,234,567,890 seconds
39.17  470 Months Old
39.46  News of your birth reaches Zeta Reticuli
39.48  News of your birth reaches Zeta Trianguli Australis
39.70  News of your birth reaches HR3384
39.93  News of your birth reaches HR1925
39.93  350,000 Hours Old
39.95  21 million Minutes Old

Safety Danse Macabre

About six months ago one thousand of my closest work friends and I were invited to watch a ten-minute safety video extolling the virtues of keeping all of your body parts as symmetrical and non-mangled as possible.

It was horrific. 

Image after image of folded, stapled, spindled, and mutilated proletariat unintentionally but quite literally oiling the gears of Capitalism with their blood flashed up on the screen.  It seemed like every horror in the song Bravely Bold Sir Robin was showcased... Well, not the "nostrils" one.  That would have been a different training film altogether...

About halfway through the movie I wanted to run away.  I don't need this psychological trauma - I pound code into a computer all day, for crissakes!  I'm not a line worker at "Choppy McCrushingtons Unnecessary Doodad and Tragic Headline Generating Dangertorium" or something.  I mean, there is, like, barely a 50% chance I will get up from my desk, bop on over to the work site, find a front loader, teach myself how to drive it, then hoist my gas-can holding friend (who is only 2 days from retirement) accidentally into the high-tension lines above the constantly-running-for-some-reason tree shredder. 

Well, maybe it's more like 60%.  I don't know.  I'm pretty unpredictable and I tend to black out a lot... 

Still, I am a safe guy.  I would go as far as to say that I am all about safety.  As a matter of fact, the quote next to my Senior Year High School yearbook photo is "Safety?  Hell, Yeah, Safety! Woo Hoo!" 

I don't run with scissors, leer at my co-workers, allow commies access to my desktop, or use a Super Soaker filled with sea water to operate the light switch in my office.  Do I really need to waste eight hours a year being reminded that acting like a semi-sober Neanderthal in the workplace sometimes has negative consequences?

No.  Of course not.  And neither do you.

I propose condensing all of the trainings we are subjected to into a 5-minute generic boilerplate that could be shown on an as-needed basis.  "How would that look" you ask?  Below is a small sample of one possible script.

(Man enters office struggling to carry an open 35-gallon fuming drum marked "Explosive Toxic Goo".  His female co-worker is talking on the phone while trying to grind the ground prong off of a frayed electrical cord with a paper shredder.)

Man: Hey, honey, are you getting sexier or is that the five beers I had at lunch talkin'?  (Staggers a little, guffaws loudly).
Woman: (yelling into phone) Sorry, Phishy Notaspy, I have to go, someone just came in.  I have to admit, when you requested all my passwords during our FaceSpace chat during regular working hours I was a little dubious, but you asked so darned nice I couldn't resist.  Bye, now! (Hangs up)
Man: (shouting to make himself heard over the grinding) I SAID...
Woman: I heard you, and I don't appreciate being harassed, especially not by someone smoking a cigar and not wearing goggles or steel-toed shoes. Now make yourself useful and help me bypass the safety interlocks on this shredder. I need to remove this stupid third prong thingy so I can plug my unauthorized space heater in.
Man: Pfft.  Forget that.  Lemme go get the forklift and I'll pry the top right off this (horribly filthy expletive deleted) shredder har har har
Woman: You can't fit a forklift in here!
Man: Don't sweat it, honeycakes!  Just lock your knees and violently lift that 100-pound contraption and meet me on the factory floor in the area between the empty first-aid locker and the eyewash station we converted into a Slushie machine.
Woman: (Thinking to self) Wait.  Isn't that a hardhat area?  Oh, I'm sure I'll be fine... After all, it's just for a few minutes...

You get the idea.

At the end of the video there would be a big DON'T DO ANY OF THIS STUFF displayed for 10 seconds then fade to black.  You can take my script, if you like.  Just make sure the movie is shot in grainy Kodachrome, the audio is slightly out of synch, and dudes in mullets and moustaches are prominantly featured throughout, or else people won't take it seriously.

2011 Resolution Update

Well, my 2011 New Year's Resolution post has drifted off the bottom of the page so I guess it is time for an update.

Loyal readers may recall that I have four goals for this year, one of which is to run two 5K's.  Less loyal readers probably didn't scan past the second or third line.  Openly hostile readers are probably the ones that burned down my shed and spray painted "USE A SPELLCHECKER" on the side of my truck. 

That's cool.

Although I hit the treadmill each time I go to the gym I never used to run - I would walk at 4.5 mph at a 10 degree incline.  Thirty minutes usually, since half an hour of aerobics is really all the time I can afford after work.

An extremely brief Google search showed that 30 minutes is a good time for a first 5K run.  Convenient, but 4.5 mph was obviously not going to cut it - it would only get me to 2.25 miles in that amount of time.  I would need to hit an average of 6.2 miles an hour to meet the 3.1 mile goal.  There was no way I was going to do that right out of the gate, and I am pretty sure I would have hurt myself if I tried.

I decided to use a walk-run-walk-run sort of method to work myself up to the target distance and time, since walking any faster than 4.5 mph or running any slower than 6.2 mph is pretty awkward for someone of my height (sort of like loping along on the moon or something).

I started with 5 minute walks followed by 3 minute runs and I have been reducing the walking time and increasing the running time since I started this.  Obviously, that only works for a while - eventually I would have been taking one minute (or less) walking breaks if I kept that up, which would be idiotic.  Besides, the idea is to increase stamina enough for at least 30 minutes of constant running.

Today was my first day blowing through some breaks, hitting 2.89 miles at the 30 minute mark. I am not sure how long it will take me to hit the 3.1 mile mark - it is definitely going to be longer than the 12 or so workouts the above graph implies.  Maybe twice that if I am lucky.  It's hard to say.

I think I saw a commercial for a St. Patrick's Day 5K the other day... I am hoping I will be ready for that one.  We will see.

[P.S. I have updated the disappointing Wii BMI measurement in the sidebar. I guess my body is not immune to constant feasting and snacking around the holidays.  Go figure.]

Just a Little Touch Up!

A few months ago I came upon the term “roof rake” in a book I was reading (Think of a Number, if you are interested). I had never heard of one but it was clear from the context that it is a device for scraping snow off your roof. I guess in very snowy areas the danger is that too much snow may cause roof damage. Makes sense.

The recent snows in the Northeast got me to thinking about Agmorion and Siun-Kelan and whether or not they owned such a contraption. It turns out they don’t, so I was curious on how easy it was to get this exotic-sounding device. Pretty easy, it turns out - you can get them through Amazon or Wal-Mart, for instance.

On the Wal-Mart site, you can find the very, very manual Garelik 21’ Snow Roof Rake ($48) in the “Outdoor Power Tools” section. Fine. But here is a screen shot of the items that Wal-Mart says people buy after viewing the roof rake:

Apparently, Wal-Mart shoppers think it is a coin toss whether to use a roof rake or a lawnmower to remove the snow off the top of your house. And there is a one in four chance the typical roof rake shopper will buy a security light or an auger, instead? Focus, people! You’re all over the map, here!

What is more alarming, though, is that a related recommended item is the Bare Blaster Ice Torch. This is a $35 blow torch on a stick that claims to be great for “getting rid of black ice and hard packed snow and ice quickly and easily”. I can see how the roof rake and the Amazing Lawsuit Machine (a.k.a. torch) are related – they both get snow off your house or the area around your house. That’s fine.

However, Agmorion noticed that an “Ultimately Purchased” item was the SnowBrum Auto Snow Pusher, a device for quickly de-snowing your vehicle. This seems to imply that, in one-quarter of the shopper’s minds, they were at an impasse whether they were a) going to simply sweep the snow off their car or b) submit their snow-covered vehicle to an onslaught of hellfire. Not only that, a full six percent of the people wanting to remove snow off their car using a blowtorch ultimately decide to say “Screw it. I am going to convert my toilet to a dual-flush unit instead.” Or maybe they simply set fire to their toilet, which is also a non-traditional way to solve the old “snow on my car” problem.

Man… as I write this sentence, the hilarious “related” and “ultimately purchased” sections of the Wal-Mart sites have been removed, so no screen shot for the paragraph above. That’s too bad… [Editor's note: by the time I published this, the "ultimately purchased" section was back, with better selections...Go figure...] Let’s see what “Also Purchased” items are in the list on the Amazon site when we look for the Bare Blaster Ice Torch, though.

Bare Ground Solutions BB-100 Bare Blaster Snow & Ice Melting Propane Torch, eh? Catchy! Hmm… pretty tame Page One… Let’s see what Page Two has for us… Bingo!

I am picturing a conversation like this:

"Honey! Honey!? Are you there? I’m on the Amazon site now. We have a crummy connection, and it’s hard to hear you – did you say you wanted to get a nightlight for Timmy’s bedroom or burn Timmy’s bedroom to the ground? Both? Ok… What should we get your Aunt Clara for her birthday? A polar what? Just pick something with the word “polar” in it? Ok… I placed the order. See you at home."

No, YOU'VE Been Drinking Haven't You.

I, SnowUrchin, am currently holding the master switch to the Internet.

The guy on craigslist who sold it to me told me that all I had to do was flip it from ON to OFF and the whole works would instantly come to a screeching halt. You would think that something this powerful would not appear to be so shoddily made, or at least be more metallic and less plywood-y, but to have the ability to bring the electronic world to a standstill... well, let's just say it is the best $500 I have ever spent.

I have not tested it yet, obviously. I hope I never have to... but that's up to you, really.

You see, Internet, I have a series of 1980s-based demands that must be met within 48 Hours (get it?) or else I flip the switch and we are all back to, well, the eighties. And the best part of my plan is that you will never catch me, because there will be no Internet! I will disappear in a cloud of smoke like some kind of super magic ninja or something.

Now, before the black helicopters start to land, here are my demands:

1. To MGM or Warner Home Video, I demand that the 1984 movie "Electric Dreams" be released on DVD or Blu-Ray. This A.I. classic should not be only available on VHS, used, by some dude on eBay. Even if I did trust that mrawesome1614's copy of the movie is, in fact, "totally mint", I have absolutely no way of playing it. Yes, I have the theme song on my iPod, but it is just not the same.
2. To IMDb: I demand that the movie Space Mutiny be removed from its embarrassing place at #34 on your list of 100 Worst Movies. Barring this, have a note saying that the MST3K version is awesome and that you can buy a t-shirt with all 40 names for Big Mclargehuge.  Don't know what I'm talking about?  I don't care.  It's not always about you, you know... 
3. To the band Styx: I demand that you re-release the song "Mr. Roboto" wherein you pronounce the word "modern" correctly. It's not mod-ren. It's mod-ern. You say it like that three or four times...
4. To Activision (or whoever owns the current license to the old Infocom text adventures): I demand all of these interactive fiction classics be officially and legally re-released for the Kindle or the iPad or something instead of letting these works languish on a shelf somewhere. Also, clean up your website a little - It's impossible to navigate unless you are looking for game patches. Also, answer your emails, Activision corporate office. It's been two weeks since I nicely asked for this information. Now look what it's come to...
5. To Columbia Pictures: I demand you agree to film and re-release the Karate Kid with as much of the original cast as is possible. Barring that, at least film a version where Daniel simply calls the cops after the skeleton-clad Cobra-Kai beat him up, followed by an extensive criminal and civil trial. Or maybe one where Mr. Miyagi doesn't actually know karate (he just wants some rube to do some chores around the place) but Daniel doesn't find out until well into the first round of the tournament. Or maybe one where Daniel suffers from ADD and spends five minutes "waxing the deck" and "sanding the car" before wandering off to play Galaga...
6. To the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation and/or Henson Associates and/or Disney: I demand you restore Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas to its original version as it appeared on HBO in the early 1980s. You know, the one where Kermit narrates and Ma Otter tells the mean rich lady to fall off the dock. The current DVD release is a huge disappointment for those of us who can still recite all the lines after three decades. We want to share the original version with our kids.  Great.  Now I have 'Riverbottom Nightmare Band" stuck in my head.

Remember, you have 48 hours... Tick, tock.

Now where'd that wine bottle get off to...

CSI: My Wife's Car

I cleaned out my wife's car today and discovered this macabre assembly scattered around my two-year-old's car seat. 

Can you tell what these related items go to?

A Few Things

I am working on a super-long post that will take me a few days to put together so I just wanted to throw something out here for now.

First, an award!  Yesterday at the gym a 45-year-old dude was working out on an elliptical, three machines down from a mid-twenties woman on the Stairmaster.  I was at one of the Universal machines where I happened to be able to see both of them.  The guy kept glancing over in a creepy-but-non-threatening way at the lady for a few minutes and then piped up the gold-medal winning lamest opening line ever:

"Heh, heh.  It looks like you're really stepping up in the world."

Needless to say, it didn't work... she just sort of politely ignored him.  It was disappointing that she chose to ignore my psychic advice, too, though: "C'mon... mace 'im!  Mace 'im, mace 'im mace 'im!"  That would have been awesome.

Shifting gears, I had a very vivid dream recently.  It's short, so hang in there : I was driving down the highway at night with my wife and son when I started to nod off.  I jerked myself awake (in that comically violent just-fell-asleep-at-my-desk way that we are all familiar with) in the dream... and in real life.

Well, that's just great.  Now, not only am I not sure which scenario is actually real, it is extremely freaking important to figure out within seconds whether I am snuggled securely in my bed or whether I am barreling down the highway at 60 mph with my family on board.

This wasn't like the dream I had where I accidentally drove my car off the back of an aircraft carrier into the ocean.  As incredibly real as that dream was, it was, like, totally obvious that it wasn't really real.  This dream, however, wigged me out enough where I had to walk around my house for five minutes "officially" waking myself up just to make sure.

I am told that I need to see the movie Inception...  It's on my list for sure, now.

Hey, you're still reading?  Wow!  Here's your reward, a hint to one of the Secret Puzzles.  Just shift the letters below by 13 to read the hint, or cut and paste the hint here. All other puzzle info can be found in the sidebar on the right.

Chessboard Puzzle Hint #2 (Posted Jan 07 2011):
Gur svefg yrggre vf 'G'.

Good luck!

Great. Now I Need an Insulin Shot.

Playtime at daycare was over and it was time to put all the toys away. All the kids were told to clean up their stuff and they all did, except mine. My son toddled up to the teacher and declared “I don't want to put my crap away yet”.

The teacher tried not to laugh but couldn't stop herself so my son said it again, of course. She composed herself and told him that he shouldn't use words like that. He looked at her like she just told him the sky was green.

Just then, my wife came in to pick him up as my son was reluctantly putting away the toys he was playing with. The teacher told her the story when my son saw his mommy. He ran up and plead his case to her, instead: “I don't want to put my crap away yet”.

That's when they noticed the toy crustacean in his hand. The little orange crab was identical to one of his favorite bath toys at home.

Thanks for the Clarification

No, thanks.  My landlord doesn't let me keep dogs or Mujahideen in my apartment.  Besides, that whole "hand made" thing kinda gives me the creeps.  I mean, I'm not even sure what... Oh.  Oh, I see.  Yes, that makes much more sense....  I'll take two tickets, I guess.

Four Stamps

About a dozen years ago I decided to break off contact with a bunch of people in my family and I resolved to never speak to them again.

Why? I don't know.

I would like to be able to upgrade that last sentence to "I don't remember" but I can't, because I do remember making the decision as clearly as if I had made it yesterday - I even remember where I was standing in my apartment when I hung up the phone on my father for the last time. Soon afterwards, I extended the ban to everyone other than my brother.

When I say "I don't know", see, I mean "I have no good reason".

My immature, knee-jerk response to a virtually non-existent stimulus morphed over the years into a test of my misguided pride and resolve as the caller ID periodically flashed their names. Messages were immediately deleted, of course.

The frequency of the incoming calls slowed and eventually stopped altogether. I guess after a while you just stop trying...

It's not like we have all ever been particularly close - we aren't the Waltons or the Seavers or the Cosbys or the Bradys, after all. But who is, really?

But lately a leaden feeling of "loss" had been bearing down on me. Maybe it was the approaching holidays, maybe its because I have a milestone birthday coming up, or maybe the weight of years and years of familial vacuum finally became something noticeable.

Again, I don't know.

My son has never met any of my blood relatives. That's completely unacceptable, regardless of what type of yardstick you choose to lay on it. Do I really want his future "My Family Tree" kindergarten project to look like the entire left-hand side is either fictional or, worse, barren because the data is simply "not available"?

No. That won't do.

Several weeks ago I sent a text to my brother and asked him for some contact information which he sent. A couple days later I sent out Christmas cards to my father and three of my sisters with the simple message "It has been too long" along with my phone number and my email address.

A day after I sent the cards I found myself wondering if I did the right thing. After all, I spent years and years carefully nurturing an imaginary grudge... did I really want all that hard work and dedication to building those walls to go to waste?

Besides... what if no one called?

A couple of days later the phone rang and PRIVATE CALLER showed up on the ID. I picked up, something I never do if the number is unknown to me.

"Merry Christmas, brother. It has been too long".

My sister and I chatted for about an hour doing our best to simultaneously reminisce and answer the question "So... what have you been up to?" Obviously, summing up the high and low points of the last ten years of someone's life is going to take longer than their half of a one hour conversation, so I happily look forward to catching up and staying current through future calls and emails.

It's sobering the number of births and deaths, weddings and divorces, joys and sorrows, and just the amount of generic "stuff" you miss when you let the Earth rotate on its axis four or five thousand times without really being plugged in to the things that should matter to you.

The second sister called the next day, followed shortly thereafter by an email from the third. Cool.

Days rolled by and still no contact from my father. I thought I had fully prepared myself for no responses from anyone, but now I found myself being crushed by not batting a thousand.

It wasn't until Christmas Eve that one of my sisters sent me a text telling me that I should try calling his cell - she had just gotten off the phone with him, she said, so he's probably around.

I mulled it over then dialed the number she gave me. No answer. I sighed and continued preparing the house for the party guests that were due to arrive within the hour.

The phone rang about fifteen minutes later. This time, the caller ID was clear.

We talked for a while - me hiding out in the back room while the guests filtered in. It turns out he got the card I sent, but didn't know if it was from me or, more likely, my wife trying to patch things over by sending something out in my name without my knowledge. A perfectly reasonable theory.

I apologized and he apologized, but we laughed over the fact that neither one of us could figure out what we were sorry for other than letting a dozen years slip away. Eventually, I had to hang up with him because a party was going on around me but, this time, it wasn't for "the last time".

I don't know what the future will bring but it looks like I will be travelling a bit more and it looks like my son's Family Tree Project will be a little fuller.

And it only cost me four stamps.

Puzzle News

The cable company was having issues today, so no big posts this evening.

Now, though, I got me a whole mess of Internet, so I figured I'd throw something out there...

Hmm... I don't think it's time for another hint quite yet...

Let's bump up the Prize Pool by another $10.00.  Yeah.  That'll work.

All the puzzle info is in the sidebar on the right.  Good Luck!