Book Review: A Walking Tour of Lockport, New York

My sister was walking through Barnes and Noble and she said she saw a book on display about Lockport, NY. She couldn't remember the title so I tried to find the same one online but nothing seemed to match what she was describing. I did run into a title called A Walking Tour of Lockport, New York, though. It was only 99 cents, so I thought I would put down the book I was reading, download it, and give it a go.

What can I say?

First off, taking a “walking tour” of the area that is described in the book (Google Maps, btw) is probably not the best possible use of your time. Oh, I suppose if you chose a nice, brightly lit summer day and you were accompanied by several armed guards you might, just maybe, make it through the circuit without being knifed for your half a pack of smokes. The tour even tells you to duck behind the public library to basically check out what I will always consider “the abandoned Twin Fair department store”. Unless things have significantly changed my advice is this: DO NOT DO THIS! IT IS MOST LIKELY A TRAP!

The Kindle version is rife with typos (the city is called “Lockwood” at one point), accidental font changes, and other eye-jarring formatting issues. This almost, but not quite, distracts the reader from the gossipy, free-form writing style that runs throughout this guide. Conjecture and an utter lack of citations further give this book a panicked “writing it on the bus on the way in to school” feel that will have you rolling your eyes throughout the entire length of its twenty or so pages.

“Twenty pages?! I don't have time for that!” you say. Don't worry – its more like fourteen since the last 35% of the book is just a list of what appears to be someone's Architecture 201 final exam crib sheet. This “appendix” just lists every major American architectural style from “Postmedieval English Colonial (1600-1700)” to “International (1925-Present)”. Nicely done. I used to use the same trick in 8th grade to beef up my papers.

What really bothers me is the complete lack of actual things you would want to see or do. I mean, let's face it, checking out the ornate cornices on the old Main Street Bank is not exactly gonna make anyone's Bucket List. So you walk and you walk (and sometimes sprint making as much use of the natural cover as possible, I assume) and you don't chuck a bottle of dishwashing soap into the fountain by the Main Street parking garage or maybe chuck a stolen alley ball off the nearby 125-foot drop? You're right freaking there! Live a little!

There is a half-page entirely devoted to pseudo-history associated with the Masonic Temple above the Submarina, but absolutely no mention of how awesome the steak-and-cheese subs are at the pizza shop itself? Thirsty after your 20-block walk? This path has you strolling right past bars and convenience stores that used to have extremely liberal carding policies to the best of my recollection. Not mentioning that, my friend, is just plain sloppy.

In closing, a pointless read. It was not worth the 99 cents, but at least it gave me something to write about today.  My typos and bad grammar, as always, are free.