Monday, December 20, 2010

200 Years

 I recently watched a video that sums up the past 200 years of worldwide socio-economic changes in about five minutes.  Sounds like a real snoozefest, right?  Wrong.  Check it out for yourself below.


I was completely blown away by the elegance of the presentation, and, in any case, I am a real sucker for long-term metrics like this.

Speaking of which, Google has come out with something called Google n-Grams which graphs trends in the written frequency of words or combinations of words over the past 200 years.  You can get a sense for how important a topic is/was (to the literate folks who were fortunate/rich/powerful enough to get published, anyway) by searching the database for keywords.  Some of my searches are below:

The Eternal Struggle

It looks like "good" has been on the decline for the past couple of centuries, but is still way ahead of "evil". Similar trends pop up with "angel vs. demon" and "God vs. Satan" with similar upswings for the good guys in the 1980s after a long drop.

Science vs. Religion - Fight!

It looks like science reached parity with religion somewhere around 1920 and has been in the lead ever since.  Go science!  I knew the invention of the tommy-gun would push us over the top!

Meek, Schmeek!
More interesting than the fact that "eye for an eye" has consistently been ahead of "turn the other cheek" are the weird spikes every 70 or 80 years.  We should be due any minute now...

You can also do more than two comparisons at a time like in the examples below:

The Chumbawamba Index
The New York Index

Here is what the search for "Y2K" looks like.  Notice the bump in the 1950s and 1980s.  Weird.

Unless... Kind of suspicious that the bumps somewhat line up, eh, Doc Brown?
I look forward to wasting huge swaths of time looking for meaningless correlations in the future.  Enjoy!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Random Post Redux

Not enough happening to write a big ol' post about. Here's a bunch of mini topics for you, though.  Enjoy!

An inch and a half of snow slash rain fell on the area today, shutting down where I work and shutting my son's daycare. My wife and I had the foresight to carpool this morning so we all came home around noon seeing many, many wrecked vehicles and even one upside-down truck along the way.


After I shoveled and salted, we fired up the wood-burning stove, got out the Christmas gifts, and, while the boy napped, we wrapped.

We ate about one-half a pound of the three pounds of sponge candy we had imported from Western New York.  You can go to http://www.spongecandy.com/ to get your own delivered right to your doorstep from an awesome little candy shop in Buffalo.

The bathroom renovation is nearly done - only the detail work is left.  Yep, nothing like a room renovation to angry up the blood and engender utter hate toward the lazy %$#@ that lived in the house before you.  No five-cent drywall anchor?  You just glued the shower curtain holder to the wall, then?  Well done...

I guess I'll end this one with a hint for one of the unsolved puzzles...  Let's make it for the Pallet Table:
Hint 2 (Posted 12/16/10): Gur jbeq "gernfher" vf va gur fbyhgvba.

Just shift the letters in the hint by 13 to decipher the clue or copy and paste the hint here.  You can go to the Secret Puzzle Hints Page to see all the hints for the Unsolved Puzzles.  Good Luck!

Answers Some Questions, Begs Way More

Maybe putting the Nativity scene in the playroom was not as well thought out an idea as it looked on paper...

Friday, December 10, 2010

Well, I Guess I'll Go Get Some Coffee...


Man, this is gonna take almost as long to copy as my text file listing all the reasons I hate my Prius...

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Wow! A Big, Round Number!

I saw this sign when I was filling up my tank and thought “700 million gallons a year, eh? Sounds like a big deal. I wonder if it really is.”

Let’s do a few “back of the envelope” calculations and see what we get.

First off, let’s try to get a feel for how much “stuff” 700 million gallons of gas is. It would fill more than 2 Houston Astrodomes, 42 Spaceship Earths at the Epcot Center, or an average twelve-mile stretch of the Erie Barge Canal.

700,000,000 gallons would weigh as much as nearly six Empire State Buildings, it would take a full 15 minutes to flow all of this fuel over Niagara Falls, and It would cost about two billion dollars to buy this much gas at an average gas station (assuming you had the 190 years it would take to “fill ‘er up” at an average pump).

[Insert impressed whistle here] Sure does sound like whole big bunches… Let’s look at some more numbers, though.

WolframAlpha (always with the WolframAlpha, this guy… :)) says that there are 254.4 million registered vehicles out there.

The USDOT and other sources say that these cars drove about three trillion miles altogether last year, so everyone seems to drive about 11,800 miles annually. Meh, sounds low. 12k-15k seems to be the range using various sources out there, but it is in the ballpark.

Assuming everyone’s tires are equally deflated (so everyone shares blame) each car wastes 2.75 gallons per year. Since the average fuel efficiency for these vehicles is around 25 miles per gallon, these cars “lose” 68.8 miles of driving potential each year. I can only assume people unconsciously budget for more gas to cover this loss rather than shrug their shoulders and stay home or hoof it for the rest of the year when their tank goes dry on December 28th or so…

68.8 miles is about 0.6% of the distance the average person drives (or, in other words, is the hit their fuel economy takes) each year. According to the fueleconomy.gov website “Under-inflated tires can lower gas mileage by 0.3 percent for every 1 psi drop in pressure of all four tires”. Ok. This implies that everyone’s tires are, on average, two pounds low, or about seven percent.

Hmmm. This is sounding less and less like a big deal, but, I am a worrier so let’s see if maybe there is something I can do about this apparent epidemic that needed to be brought to my attention in bright yellow 100-point font.

Let me whip out my tire gauge and just… Wait. How accurate is this thing, anyway? If I am going to be able to help save gas I need a reasonably precise measurement of how much air is in my tires. According to this Edmunds site, the very best you can realistically expect from your average (mechanical) pressure gauge is +/- 2 pounds from true, which totally swamps the estimated underinflation you are looking for.

But it gets better. The temperature in an average American city typically fluctuates about 20F degrees over the course of a day. According to tiretrack, a good rule of thumb is that tire pressure will vary about 1 pound per 10F degrees, so that’s another two-pound delta right there.

Of course, the temperature of your tires (and, therefore, the pressure) increases as the rolling friction from driving heats them up. The temperature of the road you are driving on and whether it is wet or dry matters, too.

But let’s say for the sake of argument that you have a hyper-accurate pressure gauge and you are measuring your tire pressure in your hermetically sealed, temperature controlled garage just before you drive the car anywhere. How often should you measure your tires to save money?

Well, as of the writing of this post, the average cost of a gallon of gasoline is $2.88, meaning that you waste about eight dollars per year due to your shameful, shameful negligence of your tire pressure. Let’s say that your name is Joe Q. Pitcrew and it takes you three minutes to check and correct all four tires on your car. If you check it every day, you will have spent 18.25 hours over the course of a year fiddling around like this.

Since we are playing with averages, here, the mean wage for a worker in the USA is $43,460 per year, making the average person’s time “worth” $20.89 per hour. Checking your tires every day, then, could be seen as costing you $381.24 (in time) per year! To break even, assuming your tire gauge and air compressor usage are both free, the most often you should check your tires (assuming the very act of checking magically puts them in stasis until the next time you check) is about 7 or 8 times a year, or about every month and a half.

Seven or eight times a year seems reasonable – high, but not excessive. To tell you the truth, though, I am probably just going to continue with my time-tested method of “sometimes-noticing-that-one-of-my-tires-seems-low-if-I-happen-to-be-approaching-the-car-from-that-direction-and-I-am-not-distracted-by-anything-else”.

To be clear, I am not advocating driving around on your rims all grindy and sparky and stuff. I am just saying that ExxonMobil probably should have taken the money they spent on advertising just how much they care about my tires (and, by extension, Planet Earth, I guess) and donated it to charity or lowered the price of gas a smidge or something.

Just sayin'.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

What is This?

This is a screen shot from an old-school arcade game I remember from decades ago. 
Can you guess what it is?

Bathroom Project (Part III)

(Continued from Part II)

For those of you who don’t like long posts, you are in luck! The other two I posted today are relatively short – just a few paragraphs and located conveniently just below and just above this one. If the sight of lots of words, though, makes you sad but you are still curious about what this article is about here’s the summary: I painted the bathroom. It is blue. Now you can go – the squirrels aren’t going to chase themselves, after all. Oh, wait. They do… Well, I’m sure you will make yourself useful somehow…

Still on the fence whether you should read on or not? Here’s a little more: The walls were painted three times this week. Call me Mr. “Princess and the Pea”, but I actually feel a little claustrophobic walking into the room now that the already small bathroom is now six paint layers narrower…

Enough summaries. Just read.

My wife is getting herself a gift for Christmas: a court order preventing me from ever again picking colors for the walls of our house. I suppose I could complain but she is totally right. It’s really for my own good and the good of society.

As part of the Bathroom Renovation Project the walls needed to be painted. We were not looking for a drastic change – just something to freshen up the vertical surfaces a bit. That’s all.

I took a piece of old trim that had some of the old color on it to Lowe’s to match it with the Valspar paint cards. Drunk with the power of actually being allowed to make a decision that affects the building where I sleep and store my stuff, I picked a “blue” that was not too different from the paint drip on the trim piece.

I have often read that human eyes are non-linear light sensors and that colors are perceived slightly differently based on biology and sociology. It would be awesome if either of those facts could give me the slightest bit of comfort rather than just take up brain space that could be otherwise used to, say, store a useful skill like matching two colors, just to pick something randomly out of thin air…

The dried paint dot on the can lid perfectly matched the sample card which matched my (in retrospect delusional) preconceptions of how the color should look on the wall. Awesome. Time to go home and paint.

Now would be a good time to interject that anything I say should not be seen as an indictment of Valspar, their paints, or their unexpectedly involved public relations officers. Anyone still hanging in there after eight or so paragraphs should know that any and all negative descriptors used in this article reflect solely on me and my painting skills. The cans of interior latex house paint and the company that makes them are completely innocent.

“Hmm… that sure is… blue…” I thought, opening the can. “Maybe it will look a lot different on the wall after it dries and darkens a bit.”

Umm, no. Not really. I mean, it’s good quality paint, but it is not, like, magical or anything. There are probably places that this shade of blue looks good in but my hall bathroom is not one of them.

How to describe the color… Hmm… Well, although the hue did not match any of the other blue accents in the room like the shower curtain or the picture frames, it perfectly matched the extruded plastic insert in my son’s port-a-potty. The color reminded me of the startling blue arc flash you briefly see when the filament in an incandescent light bulb suddenly pops. I suppose if a bunch of bank robbers ran in, taped up and tarped the bathroom really carefully, then simultaneously opened their loot bags with the explosive blue dye canisters in them, you would get an idea of what it looked like.

My wife called it “Carnival Blue” – a phrase that somehow boils the above paragraph down into just two words without minimizing the off-putting nature of how it felt to be surrounded by the color.

As much as I didn’t want to redo the room, the color had to go.

So, rather than entering the bathroom in the little-known Better Homes and Gardens contest for “Least Relaxing Place in Which to Evacuate Your Bowels” I decided to repaint it. Obviously, I wasn’t allowed to pick the paint by myself this time - my wife took my hand and gently led me to the color cards that did not induce vomiting or retinal bleeding.

But I stood up for myself and I got to pick the texture. Victory, thy name is Eggshell…

It took two coats of “Kinda North Carolina Tar Heels” blue to cover the “Chinese Knockoff Duke Blue Devils” blue, but it is done. The lights, paintings, switch covers and mirror are all back up. All that remains now is reconditioning and installation the baseboards, adding trim and moulding, installing the new shower head, cutting and re-mounting the closet door, changing out the towel racks, changing doorknobs and hinges, re-painting the heater vent, and adding stone tiles above the tub.

Pfft. It’s practically like I’m on vacation!

(To be continued…)

Funnus Quizzus Answer

A while ago I had Google Translate turn chunks of four songs on my iPod into Latin.

I said that after the original post slid off the bottom of the page I would post the solutions if no one had guessed them first.

Here they are:

Song 1: Banditos - The Refreshments
Song 2: Roots Radical – Rancid
Song 3: Teenagers – My Chemical Romance
Song 4: Eye of the Tiger – Survivor

Thursday, December 2, 2010

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

"Alright, people... we have had a banner year - profits are way up and our brand recognition is second to none.  What we need now is an idea that sounds good on paper, but is actually an open invitation to a non-stop stream of completely justifiable lawsuits..."

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Trimming the Tree

Our cheap-o artificial Christmas tree died last year after more than a decade of faithful service.  The disintegration process really stepped up its pace over the last couple of years and many of the bendy wire bits were breaking under their own weight.

We decided to go with a real one this year, which is awesome.  I love the smell of a fresh cut pine tree and I even enjoy the ritual of watering it twice a day.

Getting rid of it is kind of a hassle, though. The last time I had one I decided to get rid of it by cutting it to pieces and chucking it in the wood burning stove. 
Oh... My... God...

It looked like a solid cube of angry fire was being barely contained behind the tempered glass, and I would not have been shocked to get a phone call from the neighbors alerting us to the twenty-foot flames roaring out of the top of the chimney.  I am pretty sure it would have been a more controlled burn it I had decided to chuck water balloons filled with gasoline in there instead.

Speaking of things my wife won't let me forget...

A very long time ago when my wife and I were dating my roommate and I got a real tree for the holidays.  We jumped the gun on decorating, and, because we didn't let it settle long enough, it fell over a couple of hours later.  No big deal, but to hear my wife tell it you would swear she was going to whip out an old newspaper with the headline "DOZENS PERISH, HUNDREDS INJURED IN TRAGIC XMAS TREE MISHAP.  ISMAY SAFE, MRS. ASTOR MAYBE, NOTED NAMES MISSING".

To prevent a repeat of that and to offload the blame when it eventually trundles my way,  I asked “the Google” how long a Christmas tree should settle before decorating it.  Basically, the Internet shrugged its shoulders and grumped "I dunno... a day, maybe?".  I was a little surprised there wasn't more of a consensus, but I was even more shocked to read the claim that "there is no wrong way to decorate a Christmas tree"...

Oh, really?  (strokes beard) I accept your challenge...
  1. Do not hang the ornaments from the little hooks - use a jai-alai scoop to fire them into the tree at upwards of 100 mph.
  2. Use a hot glue gun to affix hundreds and hundreds of grocery store birthday candles to the branches
  3. Pour all of your decorations into a giant bin and dip the tree into it and swirl it around as though you were making cotton candy
  4. Wind the lights as tightly as possible as though you were hogtying a calf or a damsel before she is placed onto the railroad tracks.
  5. Go door to door with the tree asking for one ornament at each house, stone-souping your way to a fully decorated tree.
  6. Blindfold and spin each of the decorators around and around pin the tail on the donkey style
  7. If it takes two people one hour to decorate a tree, it should take 30 people about 4 minutes.  Try it.
As usual, suggestions welcome.