What Does An MRI Sound Like?

I’m glad you asked.

It’s loud.  Ear-plug loud.  You already know this.

Yes, they tell you it is going to be loud but they really don’t go into the types of sounds you are going to hear.  I am guessing this is the case because the noises are nearly impossible to describe.  A lot of them sound super fake, and I’m nearly 100% sure that some of them are just jokes engineered into the machine because someone somewhere thought it would be funny to do so.

Engineer 1: Well… the MRI is done.  Our invention should save a lot of lives.  We should be proud of ourselves, but… I can’t help but feel that something is missing, you know?

Engineer 2: I agree.  The initial “whoosh whoosh whoosh” is science-fictiony, sure, but it gets pretty boring to listen to after a while.  Another scotch?

Engineer 1: Yes, please.  A little more.  There we go… Say… what if we make it super loud?

Engineer 2: Well, it is already pretty noisy in there - peoples’ ears are basically right next to the walls of the thing.

Engineer 1: Yeah, but what if we mix it up a bit?  Like every once in a while have it make a huge “THWACK” sound completely out of the blue… You know… The same sound you get when you win a free game of pinball but way, way louder, and way more unpredictable.

Engineer 2: Oh! I get it!  Incorporate noises in there that are total non-sequiturs!  Hmmm… How about a few ten-second bursts of the sound a gorilla would make if it were to bounce a Q-Bert machine off the side of the MRI?

Engineer 1: Perfect!  (giggles) Also, let’s emulate the noise of two garbage cans slamming into the thing in 5:6 time so it sounds like you are trapped in the loudest, lamest rave ever.

Engineer 2: (pours himself another drink): Ha ha!  That’s inspired!  

Engineer 1: Oooh!  Oooh! I got another one!  Make it sound like the whole shebang is being strafed by a WWII fighter pilot occasionally.  I think we have some extra servos so we can even shake the bed a bit for that part, too!

Engineer 2: Yes!  Oh my God, yes! (pauses) Oh… wait… all these are great ideas but they are gonna cost some money to incorporate into the design.  How do we pay for it?

Engineer 1: Way ahead of you.  We put a microphone and speaker inside the unit.  Every once in a while we ask the patient in as sincere a tone of voice as we can fake if “they are doing ok in there”, and we encourage the lab techs to take wagers on the responses.  A cut of all the side bets goes to defer the cost of the extra, totally unnecessary stuff we are shoehorning in.

Engineer 2: Brilliant!  Let’s get to “work”.

Without knowing the electromechanical origins of the cacophony, you are free to invent all sorts of possible sources for the sounds that literally surround you. Have fun with it!  For instance, once I wanted to shout out in a panicky tone “Threepio!  Shut down all the garbage mashers on the detention level!” just to see what the techs would do.  

The noises get ridiculous to the point where I started to laugh while I was trying to identify them.  I checked myself and was able to keep still (you need to keep as still as possible for these things, you know) but, after 20 minutes of the fakest-sounding weirdness imaginable, I was wondering if they were going to start filling the chamber with steam and tarantulas and maybe blink the lights on and off for good measure, too.

In closing, “The Sounds of the MRI” is never, ever going to be on the short list of choices of stuff to listen to while you are getting a massage.  Choose “Non-Home-Schooled Seven-Year-Olds Practicing Violin” or “A Wounded Parrot Giving a Mogwai a Bath” instead.