Drunk On the Go...

A friend of mine recently celebrated, against all odds, another birthday!  Congrats, man!  Nothing for it but to give him whiskey stones. 

No, that's not something you need an antibiotic or surgery for.  It's a product.  Nine soapstone cubes you put in your freezer, you understand. What better way to cool a drink than to drop a few hopefully sanitized playing-die-sized rocks into your whiskey?  Well, sure, there's ice, I guess, which is cheap, plentiful, and effective, but where is the potential choking hazard in that? 

Actually, he gave them a go and said that its not really a hazard since they sink.  Unless you are a child or like to chug your whiskey (or both, I guess) it's not a problem.

Sticking with the motif here he also got a flask.  This one, I think.  Jim Gaffigan's routine notwithstanding he was wondering what to have engraved on it.  I told him I don't know but I would ask the Internet for him.  He said go ahead.  I said are you sure?  He said yes.  I said okay, but don't be surprised if you end up with, say, suggestions for lots of Hello Kitty themed nonsense. He basically said "Bring it."

Now in order to help you appreciate the Hello Kitty engraving idea you should have a better idea of who we are talking about here. 

Weighing in at twenty stone and built like a brick privy, his quiet intelligent demeanor cleverly hides the fact that this family man and community organizer is actually tightly wound spring made of hundreds of Brock Sampsons.  Not the sissified introspective version he has morphed into in the later seasons of the Venture Brothers, either.  I am talking old school Brock "they hit me with a truck" Freaking Sampson. 

I have no evidence to support this... yet.  Personally I think the whole "being constantly surrounded by pushy, petulant idiots while maintaining a calm a Zen Master could only dream of achieving" thing is a carefully maintained act - one that can't last forever.

But when he goes, even Dr. Banner's darker side would probably tell him "Hulk think you need take it down couple of notches".  This would be especially true when he descends on the local Apple store and demonstrates to the Illuminati shopping there that you can cram an iPad pretty much anywhere if you are persistent enough about it and you don't take "No!  Oh, dear God, nooooo!" for an answer.

I hear he once made Chuck Norris cry.

Also, he's Irish. 

Thank God he has a good sense of humor...

I think this is all you need to suggest a tasteful engraving for his new gift.  Leave a comment if you have an idea.