I was startled but I managed to breeze on by with a non-committal grunt and went to get my chips or beer or whatever I was in there for. I had no idea why I was targeted for that guy's outburst until I went to get my wallet to pay for my stuff.
It was then I noticed I was wearing the New York Yankees t-shirt my wife picked up for me a while back from someplace. Target, I think. Later I found out there was a World Series going on and the team was doing well. The guy saw my shirt, was a fan, and assumed I was, too. Mystery solved.
Oh... A side note, here. This post might seem to some people like some kind of anti-spectator-sports rant or some other elitist garbage. That is sooooo not my intention here, nor is it how I feel. If you like to seriously follow all kinds of sports or are a dedicated fan of just one or two teams, that's awesome. Good on yeh, mate.
Personally, though, I don't pay too much attention one way or the other. I occasionally check to see how well a handful of teams across a couple of sports are doing this season, but I don't have a dedicated "watching sports" plan. I would like the Sabres to bring home the Stanley Cup and I would really like the Bills to bring home something more than a "Super Bowl Participant" certificate and a GOOD TRY smiley-face sticker but it doesn't really affect me one way or the other.
Pfft... While I'm at it why don't I just wish for a unicorn? Let's get back to what I was talking about.
Basically, my dresser is full of comfortable shirts that advertise various sports teams or products I have no particular loyalty to. As with my collection of ballcaps close to 100% of the time I am not aware of what they say. I just grab one and go.
So while I am warming up my lunch at work, standing in line at the bookstore, or even just walking through the mall, about half a dozen times a year I will be hit with what I think are utterly random yet upbeat questions or comments from total or near-total strangers.
From my point of view stuff like "Hey, ya' think they got a shot?", "Did you go there?", "I just got me a set of Pings", or, yes, "GO YANKEES!" are totally out of the blue until I have time to mesh gears properly with the world around me and respond like someone who hasn't just dropped out of the freakin' sky.
I have gotten quicker at recovering but a two-second puzzled stare to a stranger or coworker who is just trying to be friendly looks pretty much like the non-verbal equivalent of sighing heavily and saying "Now, what do YOU want?" It might even appear hostile.
Since I am not going to ditch all of my comfortable t-shirts and well-worn hats I need to come up with a good "cover story" to explain those lapses away in a way that 1) is friendly and 2) results in the fewest follow-up questions possible. The second requirement is very important since I usually don't know jack about the current events surrounding the team or product the person chatting me up assumes I support. It becomes obvious very quickly that I have no idea what I am talking about and the uncomfortable silence that follows doesn't do anyone any good.
Any suggestions are welcome but hurry because I am very close to responding “The pearl is in the river” or “Is it safe?” just to see what would happen... This violates Rule 1 above. At one time I was seriously considering taking a bunch of my t-shirts to an embroidery place and having them tastefully stitch the initials I.J.A.S.B. on the fabric somewhere. But having to explain that I.J.A.S.B. means It's Just A Shirt, Brother over and over again violates Rule 2 like crazy.
This is all pretty embarrassing but it is more so when you consider I pride myself on having a significantly better than average "situational awareness" – closer to Jason Bourne than to Mr. Magoo or Inspector Gadget. I guess really need to reassess that self-image.
For example...
At the gym earlier this week I got off the treadmill, went to the bathroom, and changed my sweat-soaked shirt. I like to do that before I start using the weight machines as a courtesy to others. No one likes to mount a pre-moistened ab workout station, after all. Well... no one worth speaking of, anyway.
About two minutes into my benching routine I notice the reflection of myself way off in the distance and I see this:
Damn it.
See, my wife picked this shirt for me from an airport gift shop when she went to Philly for a conference some months ago. I have never seen a game, I don't know what their team is called, and I have no idea what they are known for outside of the current heinous scumbaggery.
What I do know, though, is that this is not the shirt to be wearing right now. Saying "It's just a shirt, brother" is simply not going to cut it. I covered the logo as quickly and casually as I could manage with my gym towel, made my way to the bathroom, and changed back into my damp but thankfully nondescript plain white Haynes cotton undershirt. I don't think anyone noticed but still...
The Penn State shirt was soft and comfortable and fit well but now I will have to see how it does in its new role as half a dozen new, good quality shop rags. Meh.... it's just a shirt, brother.
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3 comments:
It's the same thing as wearing a Whitney Houston concert t-shirt someone bought you. Would you wear that if it was comfortable?
@Jim
Since it would take an extraordinary set of circumstances for me or anyone I know to own one in the first place, probably. The chain of events that would have had to lead up to a shirt like that making it past the "instant shop rag" filter and ending up in my dresser would be so unlikely as to maybe make it wearable. Like maybe I stopped a bullet meant for her and she rewarded me with an extra concert t-shirt or something...
Hmmm... There appears to be something wrong with the comments here. I am not seeing all the ones that have been approved. I will look into it more tomorrow.
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