Insulin, Schminsulin!

Well, well, well… Lookee what we got here… An early Christmas present from my sisters.  How thoughtful!  By the way, definition 1b in the Merriam-Webster dictionary states that “thoughtful” means “characterized by careful reasoned thinking”.  It doesn’t say jack about being “nice”…

It’s a box of “candy” (and some playing cards)!  Ok, ok, the quotes are unfair.  Let’s call it a box of nostalgia tinged with evil.

I think the best way to write this up is just to list the items you see in the order in which I would like to eat them.  As you go down the list, divide the last one’s yumminess by 2, so, for example, the sponge candy is twice as good as the Sky Bar and is 8 times as tasty as the Bit-O-Honeys.  Here’s the list:

1. Sponge candy (Awesome and almost impossible to get here!)
2. Sky Bar
3. Clark Bar
4. Bit-O-Honey
5. Rock candy (in the vials, there at the top)
6. Pop Rocks
7. Candy buttons
8. Wax bottles
9. The jumbo playing cards (you read that right)
10. Teaberry gum
11. Butter rum Life Savers
12. Necco Wafers
13. The cardboard box everything was shipped in
14. The Chowards Violet Mints*
15. The Chowards Violet Gum*

* Eaten at gunpoint only

They said the Teaberry gum was put in there only because the store ran out of Blackjack licorice gum.  I can only assume Santa bought all of the packs to give out in lieu of coal this year as a cost-cutting measure.  The Chowards items are… let’s say, terrific.  By the way, definition 1a in the Merriam-Webster dictionary states that “terrific” means “very bad” (yup… look it up).

This year’s theme for a gift box for a friend of mine is “The Most Inconsiderate Story Ever Told”, so it looks like the mints, the Teaberry gum, and the Necco Wafers have a few more miles left in their regifting destiny.  I think it works well with the fact that one of his gifts didn’t arrive when the USPS said it would so he won’t get it until well after Christmas.  I’m just payin' it forward, I guess…

I’m not gonna list the other items I’m giving him but I will share a pic with you.  It might look like a bunch of drink coasters and an envelope to you but it fits the theme quite well.  I might even tell you why someday...