Memorial Day weekend was, happily, one of the least relaxing ones on record. The capstones for the new garden and old firepit were cut and mortared into place. New bushes were planted and weeds were pulled. The yard was mowed and chemically treated. I assembled furniture for the new deck and learned how to use a gas grill.
I like to actually get stuff done, you see.
But none of that really matters, because honey-do lists don't acknowledge the existence of work items that are not on honey-do lists. They don't get shorter just because other, equally important things are getting accomplished. If a task is not on the list, then performing that task, logically, is the same as 'playing' regardless of how exhausting, time-consuming, or sunstroke-inducing it may be.
Likewise, the difficulty level of a task is, apparently, proportional to the number of syllables in the directive. This means that MOW LAWN is 33% less work than DO DISHES and about the same level of effort as TAKE NAP. This is especially true if PAINT KITCHEN is still on the list.
Yep, time to paint the kitchen to match an as-yet-to-be-determined backsplash tile. I figure it will take about eight hours.
“Eight hours? Isn't your kitchen kind of small?” you say. I say “Why, yes, yes it is.” This 8 hour window includes driving to Lowe's, selecting paint, buying brushes and stuff, and doing all the prep work and cleanup required. And don't forget about moving the fridge... that's gonna add about 30 layers of suck to this task. But that PITA pales in comparison to painting above the cabinets.
I am not the size of a Feegle or Fraggle or Smurf or similar, so I can't just clamber up there. Although he would fit, I don't think my 2-year-old has the fine motor skills or stick-to-it-ive-ness to do a good job so I can't stuff him up there either. I can't just shove him in the playpen for 8 hours while I work.
Well, I can, of course... I am much bigger than him and routinely outmaneuver, outrun, and overpower him when it is time for diaper changing or a bath. What I mean to say is that I choose not to at this time.
I am not tall enough to reach the areas above the cabinets without standing on something. I can't stand on the granite countertops (because the seam is right there) or the glass-top stove (because that would seriously violate the warranty).
The only real solution available to me is to use a wooden stepladder to get close, but we had new flooring put in the kitchen. Concentrating all my weight on smallish areas might crack the ceramic tiles or grout, so a felt covered piece of plyboard will be needed to help redistribute the weight. Fine. Now I am on a ladder 6 feet from the wall. Now what?
A long pole and a small roller will get me to the wall, sure, but avoiding painting the ceiling and cabinetry will require a second person to hold a paint guard in place, or at least hold my ladder while I lean over and do it myself. I can't tape the area off because I can't reach it. And where does the paint pan sit? On the stove? On the new floor? On the new countertops? In the garage?
Maybe I just need to get drunk and cut a massive hole in the ceiling and simply reach down and paint it from upstairs. Or maybe I just need to start a honey-do-it-your-own-damn-self-if-you-want-it-done-so-bad list.
I would probably get in less trouble for doing the former... It would sure as hell be less short-sighted and ungrateful.
I love doing mindless stuff like painting as long as that stuff is truly mindless, and not actually some mentally exhausting 40-step This-is-the-House-that-Jack-Built style brain teaser that results in a mindless looking end product.
Pulling weeds or shoveling mulch in 90 degree heat for hours on end might sound awful, but 'toil' can be a nice break from 'work' sometimes, you know?
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