I Said Pencils Down!

[Editor's Note: Sorry if you see any font and/or spacing weirdness in this post.  It appears that Blogger is hungover from last night's festivities as well...]

Okay.  We have officially burned through another year so let’s see how we did with the New Year’s Resolutions for 2011.  If you recall, my goals were to 1) Run two 5Ks 2) Try out for a play 3) Catch a fish and 4) Qualify with a handgun.  You can see the justifications for each of these here.

The results:

1. Run two 5Ks - FAIL.  This did not happen.  I was hopeful early in the year to knock this out by Easter but it did not turn out that way.  A semi-serious back issue and a more serious joint issue stopped the effort in its tracks, although I am pretty much back in business now.  My best indoor time was 30:04, so that’s something, I guess.
2. Try out for a play - PASS.  I was asked to play Jesus for the Easter thingy at church and I accepted.  Two shows, speaking parts, costume changes, the whole shebang.  I was terrified the whole time but I am told I did well and not even once did I scream “Stop looking at me!” and run off to curl up in fetal position somewhere. 
3. Catch a fish - FAIL.  I frittered away most of the year not focusing on getting this done.  Three opportunities that required little effort on my part fell through (Halloween camping trip - other couple had to cancel, Thanksgiving party - low tide, Christmas vacation at cabin - no one felt like fishing in the cold and the dark).
4. Qualify with a handgun - FAIL.  Unless “Completing Mafia II on the Xbox” counts, I did absolutely nothing to push this forward.  Well, actually, that’s not true.  Each time I would go to get a haircut I would check out the gun store next door to the stylist’s.  Since I like to knock my haircuts out early in the day the gun place was never open when I was in the area.  The one time I was getting my haircut during the hours the gun place was supposed to be open, they were closed for inventory.

So, the world being the unfair, cruel place that it is, I was rewarded with exactly as much success as the level of effort I put into meeting these goals.  Frankly, I blame society.

It is now January 1st, so it is too late to eke out a success for these items.  When I started writing this article on the afternoon of December 31st, though, I did briefly consider knocking out all three at once by driving to a friend’s house, borrowing his gun, jogging six point two miles, then shooting a fish.  That was doomed to fail for a number of reasons, the first of which is that my friend probably doesn’t have a “no questions asked” policy when it comes to loaning out his handgun, especially when I show up nervously looking at my watch and exclaiming “Quick! I need your gun and the aquarium closes in an hour!”.

But, because I think they are important, I will renew the failed goals above for 2012 but I need to add another to take the place of the “try out for a play” one.  I am thinking either “ride a horse” or “attempt to publish a short story” would be cool, but I would like to know what you think.  Leave a comment if you have any ideas.

Although the goals I set for myself were not met, the year was far from being a string of one demoralizing failure after the next.  For example:

• I bought an electric guitar and I am actually learning how to play in a fairly dedicated fashion.  I am terrible, but the calluses on the fingertips of my left hand show I am working on it, and that’s a start.  I hope I keep up with it.
• I lost two inches on my waist and put it on my chest and arms.  My BMI is no longer an important number to me, since my height to weight ratio is now closer to that of a professional hockey player (yep, I looked it up) than that of an amateur bowler.  I think I can lose another inch off my waist but that will happen just by “keepin’ on keepin’ on” with my workouts.
• I read a lot of books, and I posted 103 times. I wrote most of a short story (no, not the Big Dumb Book in the sidebar) and I am just looking for an ending to tie it together.
• My patent was officially approved.
• I attended my first parent-teacher conference, I watched my kid get his first award certificate, and I listened to him sing in three school and church pageants.  I took him bowling, built a wooden treasure chest with him, took him on first boat ride, and showed him how to fly a kite.  I took him to his first circus, and to his first sleepover, too. We went on a log flume ride and we went swimming without floaties. We put together his first Lego kit and he fired his first Nerf gun.  I witnessed his first unsolicited attempt at writing something other than his name - “Best Daddy”.

Yeah. It’s been a pretty good year.

Anyway, from my family to all of you and yours, we hope everyone out there has an awesome 2012!  Happy New Year!